Stop Impressing Men

Tough truth:
Impressing him won’t make him love you.
Having fun together is what makes him want to see more of you.

The “catch” model of dating is outdated.

Men who think they’re a catch—because they’ve got a good job, own a house, stay in decent shape—aren’t the ones you should be chasing.

They don’t understand what love actually requires.

Because being a match is what matters now.

Do you get each other? Do you geek out over the same things? Can you be real with each other? Do you feel like you’re two of a kind?

Today, singles want a relationship that supports their mental health.

If their new flame makes their life more stressful or difficult, they’re gone. Many folks would rather live alone than compromise their quality of life with the wrong person.

Meanwhile, those of us raised on the “catch” model are trying to show ourselves off in the best light—and without realizing it, we’re making dating stressful for everyone.

It’s not fun to hang out with someone who’s trying to impress you or convince you they’re worth dating.

When you turn that person down, you feel like you’re hurting their feelings—because they think you’re casting a vote on their worthiness.

It’s much better to hang out with someone who shows up as themselves, up for a good time, with no expectations.

That’s the sort of person you can have a great time with.

The best way to make a man want to see more of you is to have a really fun time together.

Forget about self-consciousness. You’re not auditioning for the role of girlfriend. You’re just seeing if you vibe.

Do you laugh at each other’s jokes? Can you guess what each other is about to say before you say it? Are you relieved to have found someone who gets you?

If not, no harm done. You’re just not alike enough.

You don’t need to feel heartbroken. There’s no rejection—just a recognition you’re two different people.

Being a match is about energy.

And that’s something you can’t fake.

P.S. If you’re getting back into the dating scene and want to build your confidence, Effortlessly Likable is the book for you.

It’s about connection—and not just romantic connection. The more success you have in social interactions, from work to play, the more ease and confidence you’ll have to drawn on with men. Your charisma awaits.