Are you tired of ending up in relationships where you do all the work?
Tell me if this is familiar:
Both of you put in a long day’s work, but when you come home, you start in on the 1001 chores that need doing…
While he puts his feet up or goes off to the gym and expects the magic housecleaning fairy to clean his clothes and make dinner.
Back in the days when families were divided into a breadwinner and a homemaker, that division of labor made sense. It doesn’t anymore.
A majority of couples (about two-thirds) both work outside the home.
Yet dating advice hasn’t been updated to reflect this new reality.
Women are still being taught to woo a man by making him special meals and prioritizing his needs and letting him lead.
Whereas, in fact, women today need a partner who can pull his own weight, share the decision-making, and acknowledge and respect her needs.
To make matters worse, the way most women approach love basically GUARANTEES that they’ll end up with a man who sees them as a maid, cook, and personal assistant all rolled into one.
If you’re sick and tired of doing all the work, I have good news.
When you practice The Pleasure Principle, you activate the side of a man who wants to serve YOU.
You’ll know immediately whether he has what it takes to be a good partner.
Let’s find out how this simple mental switch can attract the good, caring, supportive guy you’ve been looking for.
The Need to Nurture
We all have a need to nurture.
A need to take care of those we love. To feel like we’re of service. To know the world is better because of our contributions.
It’s SUCH a satisfying feeling.
It’s satisfying not only because that instinct is built into us, but also because it’s reinforced by the way we grow up.
Little girls get praised when they help out. They get praised for being kind and supporting others. They’re rewarded for good deeds.
As young women, they bring that nurturing instinct to their romantic relationships, expecting it to win over the men they love…
Only to find that it shoots them in the foot.
It’s Not Your Job to Take Care of Him
When I was a VERY young woman, I wanted to take care of my man.
I’d been taught that what impressed men was a woman’s housekeeping skills.
I thought I’d prove my worth to my future husband by making him food and looking after his needs and being there for him to talk to.
As you can imagine, that strategy did NOT work out well for me. 😉
Young men don’t want another mother. They want companionship, fun, excitement… not an artfully arranged cookie plate!
I abandoned the homemaking skills, but I continued to see my job as being of service to men.
My love life settled into a pattern. Men would come into my life when they were in some sort of emotional transition, and they needed that sort of deep introspective conversation I’m good at.
I was useful to them.
I loved being helpful. I loved being the person a man could open up to about his deepest thoughts and feelings.
But was it helping me in my love life?
Men can rely on a woman and need the special kind of help that only she can offer, but that doesn’t make them fall in love with her.
Because the part of a man that falls in love…
Is the part of him that yearns to serve HER.
Love Is How We Treat One Another
For too long, we’ve focused on the wrong things in relationships.
We’ve focused on how strongly we feel towards him, rather than his behavior towards us.
I’m here to tell you that NOTHING is more important than the way a man behaves towards you.
Of course your heart wants what it wants 🙂 but what I want for you is a healthy, loving, lasting relationship… NOT a guy who drains and uses you.
And what’s the best sign that your relationship has what it takes to go the distance?
It’s the way HE acts towards you.
Instead of asking yourself whether you can help this man and make his life better, ask yourself whether this man can help YOU and make YOUR life better.
Are you focused on finding a man you can look after and take care of…
Or are you focused on finding a man who enjoys looking after you and taking care of you?
I have seen it time and time again:
When you look for a man you can nurture, you end up with a man you’ll be taking care of for the rest of your life.
But when you look for a man who takes equal responsibility, you end up with a man who supports you just as much as you support him.
3 Ways to Invite Him to Serve
Equality isn’t sexy, but it’s incredibly sustaining.
Couples who share the load go the distance.
You are already a master at giving selflessly to those you love. Now it’s time to take a step back and invite men to serve.
This isn’t a selfish act.
It’s a way to resolve the imbalance in relationships, an imbalance that will wreck your future if it goes unchecked.
There are three ways you can hold out an invitation for a more equal relationship.
It always feels better to give than to receive.
But there are times in which receiving is the most generous act.
Men crave partners who can receive pleasure from them.
Good men also prefer to give than receive. But they find that many women aren’t open to receiving.
They find that giving to a woman makes things more complicated, because she feels obligated back.
It is rare to find a woman who can receive a man’s gifts with a smile, warmth, and simple pleasure.
So start opening up to receive. The Pleasure Principle will help.
#2. Create openings for him to give to you.
Often men want to give to a woman, but they don’t know how.
It’s your job to create openings for him.
Talk about your favorite foods. Mention places you like to go and activities you enjoy. Give him a “pleasure map” of all the things that give you pleasure.
Then sit back, relax, and see what he does with it.
#3. Stay in balance.
Avoid the trap of being the one who’s always giving.
In the early days of a relationship, you shouldn’t put in any more effort than he’s putting in.
You want an equal relationship, which means that he takes just as much responsibility as you do.
It will become very clear which guys want to invest in you and which guys don’t. Guys who are used to taking but not giving will fizzle out fast.
When I think back to my younger self, I wish I could have told her this.
It wasn’t her job to make life easier for guys.
It was her job to find an equal partner that she could share the load with.