What would you think if I told you that…
In only 46 questions, you could fall in love with a stranger?
Or re-fall in love with your significant other?
It’s EXACTLY how my partner and I fell in love. More about that in just a minute.
I have long since forgotten the website where I found this game, or which study it was related to, but the premise was this:
As two strangers go deeper and deeper into getting to know one another, through asking and answering 46 simple questions, they create a bond of intimacy.
In this particular study, the bond was so powerful that strangers fell in love … and some even got married!
But maybe not.
Maybe we don’t actually spend enough time deepening our connection to our loved ones. Maybe we’ve stopped getting to know who they really are and what makes them tick.
When you feel heard and seen by the one you love, you fall even deeper in love.
And get this…
My partner and I tried this ourselves. We went through all 46 questions in the game over the course of a month or two. (We were dating long-distance.)
We finished the questions the same weekend we took a trip together…
And told each other, “I love you,” for the first time.
The proof is in the pudding (yes, calling myself pudding, I guess)!
Try it for yourself and see what happens.
The Rules of the Game
The game has 3 rules:
- One- or two-word answers are NOT allowed.
- “You already know that” is not a valid answer.
- No skipping questions.
Are you ready?
Pull up a chair next to your loved one, snuggle close, and read on…
The 46 Questions
- Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
- Would you like to be famous? In what way?
- Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
- What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
- Would you ever serenade someone with a song?
- Would you like to live to the age of 120? Why or why not?
- Name three things we have in common
- Name three things you like about me.
- Name three things you like about yourself.
- If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
- Would you rather have grown up with JUST your mom or JUST your dad?
- If you could wake up tomorrow and be different in ONE way, what would it be?
- If I had a crystal ball and could tell you one thing about your future, what would you like to know?
- What is your favorite thing about the opposite sex?
- What makes your heart melt and go gooey?
- What is something you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
- What’s your biggest regret in life? How can you remedy it?
- If you could write a book on our life together, what would you title it?
- If you lost one of your senses tomorrow, which one would you choose to lose and why? Which one would be the worst to lose and why?
- What is your most treasured memory?
- What is your most hurtful memory?
- What are the traits of some of your best friends?
- If you knew you were going to die in a year, what would you change about your life?
- Make 3 ‘we’ statements that I would agree to as well.
- In what ways has being in love made a positive impact on your life?
- In what ways have you allowed fear to get in the way of the life of your dreams?
- If we were best friends instead of partners, what is one thing you’d tell me this week that you wouldn’t tell your spouse?
- When was the last time you cried? Why?
- Tell me something that inspires you.
- When was the last time you got in a fight with someone? What happened?
- What, if anything, is too serious to joke about?
- Tell me your life story in 5 minutes. Tell it in a way that is different from how you usually tell it.
- Tell me about your biggest heartbreak. Re-frame the story to show me how the pain brought you to where you are today and why you are grateful for it.
- What is your favorite thing about me?
- What is your favorite thing about yourself?
- Are you close with your mom? What annoys you about your mom? What do you love about your mom?
- Are you close with your dad? What annoys you about your dad? What do you love about your dad?
- If you were to die tonight and couldn’t communicate to anyone, what would you want someone to know that you haven’t said yet? Why haven’t you said it?
- If your house was on fire and you had time to grab 3 things, what would they be?
- Of all the people in your family, who do you look up to the most?
- Of all the people in your family, who do you wish you had a deeper connection with?
- Of all the people in your family, whose death would bother you the most?
- Share a personal problem with me and ask for my advice.
- Share a personal problem with me, and I’ll just listen and won’t offer a reply.
- If I were to die unexpectedly, what would you like me to know that you have never said to me?
- What would you like your legacy to be after you are dead and gone?
For the Finale…
Set a timer for 4 minutes and simply stare into your partner’s eyes without speaking.
Let me know how this worked for you in the comments!
P.S. Want more conversational tips? Your Brilliance expert author James Bauer suggests having a transformational conversation with your guy. It will deepen your relationship in unexpected ways!
Wonderful fun and insightful game to play on first or 2nd date. The study was done by SUNY Stonybrook University Prof. Arthur Aron.