As an Intimalogist™ or intimacy expert, my role is to re-educate couples that intimacy is the foundation of relationships.
Intimacy is more than sex. As I explain in my book ABCs of Intimacy, intimacy also includes trust, care, affection and nurturing.
Sex lasts, on average, about 7 minutes. What do you do with the remaining hours, minutes, and seconds to develop that deep connection?
Here are 6 suggestions. Try these tips to ignite more intimacy in your relationship.
This is Dedicated to the One I Love
Our hectic lives can be blamed for a lack of intimacy in a relationship.
There is a lot of talk about sex, but is everyone else really enjoying that much more than you and your lover? Not if they are pulled in as many different directions as the average couple, who are mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted.
Our relationships are the first to show the effects of neglect. The key is to learn to prioritize relationships, responsibilities, social time, and individual down time, in order to devote ourselves to who and what matters.
Love is a living, breathing thing. You feed it with pleasure, attention and affection.
Nourish your intimate relationship and your lover by dedicating time and energy to each other. Be truly present when you are together. Dedicate a date night and let nothing come between you and your time together.
Let the Good Times Roll
There is balance in all things.
When one area of life falls out of sync, the entire system is affected.
So, along with dedication, stir in some laughter, smiles and fun.
Laughter is not only great medicine, but it is also has healthy physical benefits such as strengthening the immune system, boosting energy, diminishing pain, and providing protection from the effects of stress.
Take it in small chuckles or large doses by adding in fun and laughter with your loving playtime.
Touch Me in the Morning
Our sense of touch is one of the most beautiful of our human gifts.
The power of touch is healing, comforting and arousing. In it also lies the power of affection.
I tell my clients: “No more run-by kissing!”
Stop for more than a second and enjoy a slow and complete embrace. Kiss slowly and look into each other’s eyes. Exchange the energy of love. Send each other off with a smile and a warm heart.
Remember to caress and touch each other often throughout the day, to eliminate any resentment or accusation of only showing affection when you want sex.
Come On, Say You Love Me!
The poet Walter Benton imparted this wisdom:
“If you love me, tell me so. If you tell me, love me so.”
I agree with this bit of advice. You should express love in a way your lover receives it.
Some of us are visual and receive love with seeing displays of love. Others need to feel love with touches and physical contact. Then there are those of us who need to hear you utter the words, “I love you.”
Find out how your lover receives love and consciously work it into your daily interactions. This will ultimately improve how you relate, because you tap into their style of communication, which in turn enhances understanding.
Hormonee – Sweet Harmony
Our bodies are beautifully intricate.
Our brains can signal the release of many chemical compounds, including the hormones serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins. These hormones help us bond and bring us closer with each glance, touch or kiss.
Oxytocin is referred to as the cuddle drug. Not only does it bring us closer, it reduces stress and promotes a sense of calm and well-being. Serotonin is a natural anti-depressant. Endorphins are a natural pain killer with a chemical structure similar to morphine. Endorphins reduce pain awareness and generate feelings of elation and euphoria.
When you hormone-ize in harmony, you become more intimate and improve your health along the way.
Seduce Me Tonight
Sex begins with the ignition of a thought. It’s a mind game that propels the action.
Seduce your lover mentally to stimulate their senses, mind, body and soul. Set the mood ahead of time by allowing the idea of some adult fun to marinate with them until you’re finally together. Leave notes, love coupons, a text, or FaceTime a sexy message to them as a reminder of your attraction and desires. Sending a loving hint stirs their passion and keep you on their minds.
With a few simple steps, you can revive, rejuvenate and reinvent a loving and solid intimate relationship.
Everyone wants to be wanted and needed. Show your lover both. Do so by reintroducing intimate pleasure in your relationship. Make them feel desired, appreciated and loved as you set fire to your passion once again.