Is it even possible to enjoy dating?
The rejection? The time-wasters? The complete and utter futility of finding someone decent?
Dating coach Aska Kolton felt exactly like you do. She spent 10 years going on one bad date after another. Finally, one day she got fed up…
And she made a decision that changed everything.
You’re about to discover how a dating detox can transform your love life.
If you’re sick and tired of dating, if you don’t know how dating could even be fun, and you feel like all you attract are losers and time-wasters, then this interview is going to rock your world.
What You’ll Learn
I spent so many years obsessing about finding a relationship, being in a relationship, dating, mending my heart and having my heart broken … and now I look back and think, ‘Jeez, I could have done something else with 10 years of my life!'”
Aska Kolton went on 110 online dates before she met the love of her love. What were those dates like?
“Mostly, they were from hell!” she says. “When I look back, I just wonder how could I have done it to myself.”
Aska was stuck in the dating cycle for 10 years. In that time, she had a little fun, she had some short-lived relationships, “but mostly it felt like it was a disappointment after disappointment after disappointment.”
Still, she didn’t let those disappointments stop her. She soldiered on. But inside she was starting to panic.
“I was like, “I’m almost 30. I have no boyfriend, no husband, no house, no kids. How am I going to get it?'”
She wasted hours searching for information online about how to act around a man or what to say and what not to say. Yet none of that brought her any closer to what she really wanted.
You lose hope. You lose your self-esteem. You start feeling unworthy of love, that there’s something wrong with you. You start blaming yourself.”
Then one day she had a wakeup call…
Aska’s Wakeup Call
She “went on a series of disastrous dates, and one of them was just one too many.”
She woke up one morning and realized she couldn’t even remember the name of the guy she’d gone out with the previous evening.
For that matter, she couldn’t remember the last time a date had excited her in any real way.
“Just the thought of going on another date made me sick,” she says.
She finally got honest with herself. She realized that “with the way I felt about dating, men, relationships and love, I wasn’t going to attract anything healthy.”
“Why can’t I be single for a while?” she wondered. It wasn’t like anyone was making her date!
So she decided to stop.
That was it. No more dating, for the immediate future.
Little did she know that her dating detox would kick off a two-year-long journey that would end with finding the love of her life.
What is a Dating Detox?
The point of a dating detox “is to help you to dissolve the desperation and become happy as a single woman, so you don’t need to escape your life.”
Often we date because we don’t like our life. We want someone to rescue us from the loneliness and boredom of being single.
But that energy attracts the wrong kind of people.
Ask found that her break from dating took her “from a desperate woman who believed that she could only be happy if she was in a relationship” to someone who didn’t need a man to be happy. She loved her single life!
“Loving yourself and becoming happy and having an amazing life as a single person changes your energy, [which] increases the chances of attracting the right person,” she says.
After her dating detox, Aska “started to meet amazing guys, because my energy was different and I cleared the desperation, which [had been] the driving force in my dating.”
Surprisingly, dating became fun for her again. She felt like a completely new woman.
So, “if you are not excited about dating, if you keep attracting all these losers and jags and time wasters, and you have no fun,” it might be time to try something new!
How a Dating Detox Works
A dating detox is more than just temporarily quitting dating.
It’s a process of looking inwards, learning about yourself, and investing in you.
“I help my clients to learn how to thrive as a single woman and create an amazing relationship with yourself, because your romantic relationship can be only as good and as happy as the relationship you have with yourself,” Aska says.
It involves looking at your past, at the things you put up with and the mistakes you made, so you don’t drag those forward into another relationship.
Aska also helps her clients recognize their own value and what they bring to a relationship. “No compromises, no settling for crumbs of love,” she says.
When you start loving and valuing and respecting yourself, you get that back from guys. You change your energy. You show up as this high-value woman who is irresistible to high-quality guys. You give yourself permission to show up as yourself authentically. You stop trying to be someone else to find love.”
She always tells her clients, “You only can find true love when you are true to yourself.”
That’s a completely different approach than you’ll get from most dating coaches.
Instead of saying, ‘Go and date more to be more successful at dating, and learn more dating tips and tricks, and read more books about men,’ I say, ‘No no no no. Stop. Stop the madness!'”
The goal is to approach it differently with a completely different energy.
“I absolutely believe that I am in my current relationship today because when my partner met me I was at my happiest,” she says. “When you are happy, you are more attractive.”
How Long Should You Stay Away from Dating?
“It’s a personal choice how long you want to stay on the dating detox,” Aska says.
“I stayed for two years, because in the process I actually started to love being single. I didn’t want any men to contaminate my space.”
You’ll know you’re ready to end the detox when you feel that “you are ready for a relationship, and your readiness comes from somewhere else other than running away from your life, or feeling lonely or miserable, or feeling desperate for relationships.”
Aska’s Dating Detox Experience is a group coaching program that lasts 10 weeks. In that time, she does ask women to abstain from dating. “You want to have the sacred space just for yourself,” she says. “You’re doing deep work, and the focus should be just on you.”
She also offers a free 7-day Romancing Yourself Challenge, as a taster to get you started on the path of self-love. “It’s about having this respect for yourself and choosing from that place.”
If she could go back and give a message to her younger self, it would be to “just have fun. Live your life to the full as a single person.” When you do that, “the guy will come and find you.”
Jump to Topics of Interest
1:58 Aska’s dating journey
3:41 The decision to stop dating like a mad woman
5:34 What’s a dating detox?
7:38 The steps of a dating detox
10:37 How Aska’s coaching differs from traditional dating coaching
11:54 How long a dating detox should last
12:32 From desperation to desire
14:20 Do you have to abstain from men entirely?
16:07 Aska’s Dating Detox course
18:12 Free 7-day Romancing Yourself Challenge
19:28 Aska’s message to her younger self
Askais the founder of Get Ready For Love and The Dating Detox Experience. She empowers smart and successful single women to rock their life, feel happier within, love the pants off themselves and get ready for true love. Her personal love journey has taken her through 110 online dates, 7 years of singledom and 1 dating detox. Now she’s with the love of her life, and they have two wonderful kids together. Find out how you can work with Aska.