Dating as a single parent is tough, but dating coach Damona Hoffman doesn’t believe in excuses.
It’s up to you to put yourself out there, and she’s got some tips on how to do it.
You might have caught Damona in “A Question of Love” on FYI TV or heard her podcast “Dates & Mates.” She’s one of the top dating coaches in L.A., and she’s got you covered through every step of the dating process.
In this YBTV interview, Damona will teach you how to craft an irresistible online dating profile … how to talk to your kids about the fact you’re dating again … how soon you should introduce your kids to him … and what to do if your kids reject him.
If you’ve been putting off dating again, because it’s too hard or you’re worried about repeating mistakes from the past, this interview is a must-see.
Get Damona’s free gift, “The Texting 10 Commandments”
What You’ll Learn
You’ve got to make time to date.
So you’re tired and you want to spend what free time you have with your kids, but you owe it to yourself to find the time to invest in your love life. Schedule it in. Find a babysitter. Don’t feel guilty about taking this time to yourself.
To give yourself the best possible chance of enjoying the dating process, make sure you’ve done the work to heal any emotional wounds from your past relationship. Don’t see it as a failure or wasted time. Instead, try to reframe what happened as an opportunity for growth.
Each relationship is an opportunity to learn and grow and discover more about yourself and lead you further on that path towards the relationship of your dreams. Even if you married a total jerk and he didn’t treat you the way you wanted to be treated, getting out of that relationship is a gift, and having the ability to do it differently the next time is also a gift.”
When you start putting yourself out there again, you may find that certain men won’t date you because you’re a divorced single mom, but that’s okay! They’re not the men you’d want anyway. There are plenty of men who do want a family and would be thrilled to meet you.
When you first try online dating, you can have some fears about safety. But there’s no 100% safe way of meeting men. Be smart, use good judgment, and don’t let fear put up walls between you and the men you want to meet.
When you’re creating your online dating profile, you should be the star. Mention that you have kids in the written section, but don’t make it a big deal. Keep kids and girlfriends (and your ex, which goes without saying) out of the pictures you choose to feature on your profile.
“If you have anything drawing attention away from you and your greatness,” Damona says, “you’re hurting your chances of meeting someone online.”
When your kids ask where you’re going, you don’t have to tell them you’re going on a date. You can tell them you’re meeting a friend for dinner and you’ll be home soon. There’s no need to overshare and give them more than they can process at that moment.
If you find yourself developing chemistry with someone, be careful about introducing him to your kids, or your kids to each other, too soon. You need to be sure that he’s going to be in your life for a while before making that introduction. There’s no definite timeline. It all comes down to how ready you feel.
What if your kids totally reject him? “You’re the parent,” Damona explains. “You cannot let your kids dictate your decision, but you have to keep your kids in mind when you’re making these choices.”
It’s common for kids not to like the new man in your life, but that doesn’t mean you have to be celibate until they’ve left home. Dating is good for you, and seeing you with someone new can be good for them.
Kids learn from their parents how to be successful in relationships, even if it’s seeing what doesn’t work. You can offer them a different model of relationships this time around.
Plus, it’s good for your kids to see you happy. Dating can help you feel more confident and like a woman again.
“There’s a guy out there who thinks you’re gorgeous,” Damona says, “and you don’t want to deprive him of the opportunity to spend time with you.”
Life didn’t end with your divorce. It’s just beginning again.”
Jump to Topics of Interest
02:18 Why you shouldn’t wait until the kids leave home to date
03:27 Healing the wounds from past relationships
05:03 Telling a potential date you’re a divorced single mom
07:38 Creating an effective online dating profile
10:05 How to tell your kids you’re going out
11:35 How to introduce the kids to him – and maybe his kids to yours
13:45 What if your kids want nothing to do with him?
15:07 Benefits of putting yourself out there into the dating pool again
16:45 Rewriting your story
18:05 Damona’s story: her coaching practice, podcast, TV show
19:38 Importance of communication with him and with yourself
About Damona Hoffman
Damona is a certified dating coach, TV personality and podcaster. You can catch her in “A Question of Love” on FYI TV or listen into her weekly radio show “Dates & Mates.” She’s a guest speaker for Match.com, and DatingAdvice.com named her one of the top dating experts in LA. Her advice has been featured in Newsweek, Woman’s Day, Essence Magazine, Ebony Magazine, and The Huffington Post. Visit her website and get her free gift for singles, “The Texting 10 Commandments.”