Even the man you love might not trust you.
That’s hard to hear.
Because you know you’re trustworthy. You know how hard you work to make sure he can lean on you, rely on you for the little things, and never doubt your commitment.
But when it comes to trust in relationships… that may not matter.
Because trust is a FEELING.
And some men find it difficult to feel that way with women.
Why We Trust
Trust is incredibly ancient.
It is built into us because of its survival value.
If you go back two hundred thousand years, you would see our ancestors gathered in groups. Some people are cooking, some people are resting, some people are minding children, and others are standing guard.
Being able to trust someone to stand watch enabled them to switch off the part of the brain that’s always scanning for danger… and rest and focus on other things.
We cannot fully relax unless we feel safe. Our brains won’t allow it. A part of us will always remain alert and watching.
You Can’t Fully Relax Until You Trust
So if a man doesn’t feel fully safe with you, or if you don’t feel fully safe with him, being together can feel enjoyable but stressful.
It’s draining. Your guard is still up. And you can’t make yourself let go. Your instincts are telling you this isn’t a safe situation for you yet.
Never ignore that feeling.
Both of you may be completely trustworthy people, but your body has its own relationship with trust.
If you’ve been betrayed before, or if this man subconsciously reminds you of someone who wasn’t safe for you, then your body won’t let you relax fully with him. It’s keeping you safe by keeping part of you alert for signs of danger.
Notice how this works after a fight.
You both find it hard to relax around each other. Your instincts tell you there could still be danger.
And the more you get stuck into that pattern, the less you’re able to trust one another.
Not because he’ll ever leave you or you’ll ever leave him, but because your bodies now tense when the other person is in the room.
Trust Is Breaking Down – And We’re Paying The Price
Trust is a bigger issue in relationships than ever.
Not just because we can’t count on commitment. (It’s hard to trust someone when you know they could decide one day they’re no longer in love with you and leave.)
But also because trust is breaking down everywhere.
The internet is full of outrage. Someone is always at fault for our troubles: men, women, people who aren’t like us.
And that distrust seeps into our most intimate of relationships.
Your guy could love you and be committed to you…
But he could also be watching videos on the internet telling him that men are the real victims of society, women are secretly manipulating men, and no one wins but the alpha males.
It’s becoming harder and harder for men to avoid that content if they spend any time online.
If your guy is aware of the danger of extremist beliefs and secure in his masculinity, then you should be good.
But a lot of men aren’t aware of the impact of that content on their trust for women.
They’re just watching some videos they find interesting. They don’t see the way it’s poisoning how they see women.
Whereas before they may have interpreted a woman’s behaviors generously and not taken it personally when she said something off or did something annoying…
Now they take even the innocent things she does as evidence of a “female’s manipulative nature.”
You don’t need me to tell you what that does to a relationship.
Watch Out For Mistrustful Men
When a man is primed to see the worst in women, it doesn’t matter how well you prove yourself to him.
You could be the most honest, trustworthy, loyal woman in the world…
But he’ll see what he’s trained himself to see.
It would be one thing if men who distrusted women swore off relationships. Then they wouldn’t bother us.
But dating apps are full of these men. They present themselves as an “alpha male catch” with high standards, but in fact their goal is to use a woman before she uses him.
Don’t waste your time with a man who expects you to prove yourself. Run.
Because you’ll never be able to trust a man who can’t trust women.
Let us know what you think!