So if you’re a woman who’s been complaining that guys today are flaky and superficial…
Or a guy who’s been saying that women today are flaky and superficial…
I’ve got a challenge for you.
Stop blaming the opposite sex…
And start blaming immaturity.
Because what you’re really frustrated with isn’t men or women.
It’s how many adults are walking around emotionally undercooked.
Immaturity isn’t a male problem or a female problem. It’s a human problem.
And modern life is feeding it.
When people are encouraged to delay adulthood, when manners are no longer cool, when entertainment is just a tap away…
What you get is a culture where flaking, ghosting, and game-playing become the norm.
Dating apps have made it worse. They’ve turn the search for love into entertainment, fun, and an ego boost. They’re designed to bring out our superficial side by making it normal to judge people from nothing more than a picture.
So what do you do?
- You stop expecting dating to be fair.
- You stop being shocked by the immaturity
- And you start managing for it.
That means: you become your own filter.
Stop swiping on the shiniest profiles. Those slick profiles often belong to folks who’ve mastered the game. Instead, set your sights on finding someone like you.
Someone who’s also tired of all the immaturity. Someone who shows up real even if they’re not picture-perfect. Someone who’s not into the texting game but just wants to meet to see if you vibe in real life.
Now, in my post on the Commitment Gap, I shared a metaphor that might help. Picture this:
On one side, there’s CasualLand.
It’s an amusement park: bright, thrilling, and full of distractions. Lots of singles live there. They love the excitement. They don’t ever want to leave. It’s just too much fun.
On the other side of the gap, there’s a mountain.
It’s steep. It’s hard. Climbing it will take sweat, strain, stress, and support from the person by your side. But get to the top, and the view will take your breath away.
Not everyone wants to climb a mountain, though. A lot of people look at it and just see hard work.
Your job is to figure out:
Is this person an amusement park person… or a mountain person?
This has nothing to do with gender, by the way. There are plenty of men and women on both sides of the gap.
When you shift your focus like this—from blaming the opposite sex for flakiness to filtering for maturity—something powerful happens.
You find your people. You find the ones who are also tired of the games. You find the ones willing to climb with you.
You’ll still end up spending time in CasualLand. Nearly all relationships start there. Fun, flirtation, and play are a normal way to kick off relationships.
But mountain people want more.
They’re not afraid of crossing the gap. They see that mountain and imagine climbing it at your side. They believe that the view from the top—the partnership, the trust, the shared life—is worth every step.
Now, there’s one last piece I haven’t shared yet.
Even if you’re filtering for maturity… you might still be doing something that inadvertently attracts immaturity and flakiness.
I’ll explain more in my next post. Don’t miss it.
Let us know what you think!