If you’ve ever complained about the opposite sex being flaky, superficial, noncommittal, only interested in using you, then you need to read the previous two posts in this series.
You’ll learn the real problem isn’t men or women; it’s immaturity.
And the best way to attract a mature partner is to set your sights on finding someone similar to yourself—not a “perfect catch.”
But here’s the thing…
Just finding someone real, honest, and genuinely interested in connection isn’t enough.
You’ve got to make the connection worthwhile for them, too.
And you may have unknowingly picked up some game-playing behaviors from popular dating advice that push these amazing people away.
Yes, popular dating advice could be making you more attractive to flakes and players…
And less attractive to big-hearted partners who want something real.
How do I know this?
Because I’ve been watching dating advice evolve for over the past 20 years, and I’m aghast at the bad advice that keeps showing up generation after generation.
Back in 2005, when I first started, I really believed we were getting closer to figuring out the secret to great relationships. Instead, dating advice took a wrong turn.
It detoured into attraction… and started teaching millions of singles how to get in bed with someone—even if it never led to love.
Here’s what they’re not telling you:
Attraction advice is not love advice.
In many cases, it’s the exact opposite.
Making someone attracted to you triggers their most superficial impulses. It appeals to the dopamine rush, not the heart.
And we now know that jumping into bed is one of the least successful ways to build a relationship that lasts. Long-term love grows from getting to know someone over time and genuinely liking who they are.
Now let me give you one of the worst pieces of attraction advice out there. This one is responsible for putting so many good men off dating.
It’s the idea that men should chase and women should sit back and wait to be chased.
Oh, I know. A lot of folks believe this like the gospel.
But remember: Attraction advice is not love advice.
Sure, it might get someone into bed, but it won’t build something that lasts.
You might remember my post on why so many people are giving up on dating.
One of the top complaints from men?
That women don’t put in any effort.
They say women are passive. They wait for men to initiate everything. They don’t give clear signals they’re interested.
But what these men don’t understand is why women are doing this.
You know why, don’t you?
Yep—women do it because they’re told to.
They’ve been taught it’s their job to sit back and wait. If they show interest or make the first move, they’ll scare him off.
Women are told this…
By people like me.
Do not make a move. Do not let him see you’re interested.”
This advice makes a lot of folks money. “How to get a man to chase you” is one of the hottest topics in women’s dating advice.
This is what all those frustrated men don’t understand. The culprit here is not women. The culprit is bad advice.
Women are being told that men need to chase. That it fulfills their hunter instinct. That if you don’t give a man something to chase, you’ll never get a relationship.
So guys, stop blaming women for being passive. Start blaming the system that made them believe they had no other choice.
And ladies? Sorry, but you’ve been lied to.
If you think a man has to chase you and you find that you’re always ending up with jerks and players, that’s no coincidence. The men who chase are by definition driven by dopamine. They’re addicted to the thrill of conquest. And they drop you the moment the high wears off. (Watch my video on dopamine vs devotion to learn more.)
Even worse, that advice steals your agency. It tells you you’re not allowed to go after what you want.
You can’t go up to a sweet guy, start a conversation, and suggest hanging out again sometime.
Because that would be “chasing him”—and it supposedly turns him off.
But here’s the truth:
So many men wish women would make the first move.
They’d love it if a woman showed genuine interest. They want to feel wanted, too. They’re exhausted from always having to lead.
But you won’t hear that in mainstream dating advice… because it doesn’t sell. This page won’t get a fraction of the hits that a post on, say, “black cat energy” gets.
Now, to be fair, women aren’t the only ones getting bad advice. Men are flooded with toxic dating advice, too.
For now, I want to leave you with this.
If you’re doing something because popular dating advice told you to do it…
Think again.
Is it possible that the advice you’re following is making your connections less real? Less honest? Less you?
Just something to think about.
Let us know what you think!