In the 20th Century:
Impress.
In the 21st Century:
Connect.
No wonder we get so nervous about meeting new people.
We’ve been told we get only ONE shot at impressing them.
First impressions are formed in a millisecond. He’ll look at you, decide you’re nothing special, and make polite conversation until he can get away.
Which is why so many of us pour time and energy and money into how we look.
We’re aware that, as women, we’ll be judged more on our appearance than our “sparkling personality.” (Ug!)
And if you’re no supermodel—like 99.99% of us—it can feel like the game is over before it’s begun.
But is this REALLY how attraction works?
Connect to Impress
Today, we know that people make decisions emotionally then justify them rationally.
He doesn’t evaluate how much of a catch you are and then decide to fall for you.
He feels an emotional connection and then justifies it by telling himself all the ways in which you’re a catch.
What comes first is the connection.
But many of us didn’t get that memo.
We think we have to try to impress him.
We have to be witty, flirtatious, and tell great stories. We have to be bigger and bolder and better than anyone else.
And is he impressed? No.
He’s not here because he wants to feel impressed by you.
He’s here because he’s hoping to FEEL a connection with you.
EVERYTHING starts with feeling connected.
If he feels connected to you, he’ll see you as beautiful. It’s your smile and your eyes and the way you hold yourself that he’ll come to love – not your perfect makeup and great outfit.
So the next time you meet someone, try not to worry about how you look and how he’ll judge you.
Find things you share in common. Find things you can both laugh at. Find reasons to like him.
Questions to consider:
Have you ever felt the pressure to impress someone on a first date? How did it impact your overall experience?
Reflect on a moment when you felt a genuine connection with someone. What factors contributed to that connection?
P.S. Not sure how to create an instant connection? I spill all my most personal secrets in this guide to effortless charisma.
Let us know what you think!