Your brilliant life starts now
One of the biggest things that can hold you back in life and love is not knowing your worth.
Your worth is constant. It doesn’t rise and fall based on what other people think of you. It doesn’t rise and fall based on your successes and failures. It is inherent in who you are, and it is the equal of anyone’s. [Read more…] about 3 Ways to Know Your Worth
Everybody knows what love feels like. Surely!
I used to think that…
Until I went on my own journey of discovering that what I thought was love wasn’t really love at all. [Read more…] about What Does Love Feel Like?
As a woman, do you ever feel sick and tired of the mountain of advice telling you how to be more attractive to men? (Oh, yes, I’m guilty, too!)
Sure, attraction will get you a boyfriend…
But what attraction cannot do is deliver that powerful knowing that you should be MARRIED to this person. [Read more…] about Why People Marry Who They Marry
One of the great things about dating advice is the way it helps you understand men better. You learn what to say or do, and you gain real confidence in all your interactions.
But getting inside a man’s head only takes you so far. [Read more…] about 3 Things You Should Know about Yourself in Dating
If there’s one thing that’s worse than a relationship that’s over for good, it’s a relationship that keeps hanging on by a string.
You know it isn’t working. You’re not happy. But you just can’t cut the cord.
Every time you think it’s over, he comes back. [Read more…] about The #1 Question to Ask in An On-Off Relationship
If we’re going to love, we’ve got to be prepared for love to end.
That is the likely outcome of most relationships.
Although no one falls in love expecting it to fall apart, reality warns us that we must be prepared. [Read more…] about What Your Dream Self Can Teach You about Breaking Up
In my last post, I explained why it’s a myth to believe that getting the life we’ve always wanted will make us happy at last.
Because of hedonic adaptation, we get used to anything. We get used to the good things in our life, and we get used to the bad. [Read more…] about Don’t Make Each Other Happy – Advice from a Celebrity Couple
Won’t it be great when you can finally relax into the arms of your beloved…
Knowing that your future together will be long and happy?
No more wondering whether it will work out. [Read more…] about What Do You Need to Be Happy?
He was so amazing in the beginning.
He brought you flowers, opened the door for you, and surprised you with magical experiences. When you were sick, he brought you treats. When you were upset, he made you feel better. [Read more…] about Why Men Change Once They’ve Got You
Back in my late twenties, I was a guinea pig for love.
I was living in a city that made it easy to date. I worked in the city center, where I could pop out to a coffee date on my lunch break. I rewrote my online dating profile every three months. [Read more…] about 3 Types of Men & How to Attract Them
When we are here on this planet in this lifetime, our beautiful body is our home.
It’s the embodiment of who we are. It’s what people see when they call our name.
Which is why it is SO offensive when anyone hates on your amazing body (and that includes you). [Read more…] about Your Beautiful Body Challenge
The headache had been coming on all day, and by afternoon I knew it was going to be a full-on migraine.
The only way I knew to get through was to go straight to bed and close my eyes and try to sleep. [Read more…] about When You’re Exhausted and Sick and Everyone Just Wants More of You
It sounds too good to be true.
Set up your profile on an online dating site for FREE…
And the science-based algorithm will sort through all the single guys in your area for you and report back with your best matches. [Read more…] about 3 Ways Online Dating Sites Are Lying to You
20 years ago, I went on my first online date.
I remember only one thing about it: the guy told me that his dad ran a hot air balloon company, and maybe he could take me on a hot air balloon ride over the valley some time.
I walked back to my car thinking, “Did this guy just try to buy me?” [Read more…] about 3 Online Dating Do’s
Most of us play the dating game for one reason:
Love.
Love is everything. It’s how we want to live our lives.
But then we get confused by everyone telling us “how to get a guy” when it’s not so much “a guy” we want but the experiencing of loving another for a lifetime.
Dating experts can tell you how to hook someone. They can tell you how make a man feel obsessed. But notice that they don’t promise you love.
They CAN’T promise you love.
Because not all men are lovers, in the spiritual sense of the word.
They want the good feelings, but they don’t want to extend themselves to support and nurture the growth of another human being.
They just want to see what they can get. How much bang they can buy for their buck.
That consumer mentality is a huge red flag, and unfortunately the way we date feeds it.
If you’re offering him something in hopes of getting “love” in return, then you are putting yourself squarely in marketplace thinking.
There’s a way out, but it requires humility.
I think the reason we’re here on this planet is to learn about love.
We are here as students of love.
We’re given this life as an opportunity to explore love for self, love for others, love for the divine, love for life itself.
And human relationships are one of the great playing fields of love.
It’s in our relationships with others that we learn all the essential components of love, like respect, commitment, responsibility, honesty, care, and so forth.
When you see yourself as a student of love, you’re not goal-oriented but rather process-oriented.
You’re not looking for the “perfect person.”
You’re looking for opportunities to practice love, including friendships, partnerships, all kinds of relationships. Anything that helps you expand yourself.
Of course you want that glorious lasting love relationship, because marriage is still the greatest challenge of the heart.
But to get to the point where you stand a chance at making a lifelong relationship work, you need practice.
Practice with boundaries, practice with speaking your truth, practice with mutuality, all that good stuff.
AND for that, you need a practice partner.
That’s what dating is for.
Dating gives you the chance to practice with all kinds of partners.
You get to practice being authentic, saying no, receiving, respecting, negotiating, letting go.
Some partners are better than others.
With some partners, you can feel yourself stretching and growing and learning and coming to understand love in a whole new way.
With other partners, you have fun practicing, but you don’t really get anywhere. You’re stuck doing the same thing over and over again. Your love doesn’t grow.
Your goal is to find a really good partner to really push what you’re both capable of.
What does it take to love another human being? How can you practice that love in everything you do? Can you feel it expanding you? Is he in this with you as an equal partner? Does love excite him as much as it excites you?
Sometimes, your practice with one partner will run its course. You’ll have reached the limits of what you can learn together, and you’ll go find someone else.
That doesn’t mean what you experienced together wasn’t love. It just means that your love reached its limits and you need to go elsewhere if you’re going to grow.
So how do you find these love practice partners?
You show up as you are, and you get curious about who other people are, and your heart is open to exploring a connection.
You’re not buying anything.
You’re not selling anything.
You’re just showing up with tenderness, humanity, and curiosity.
Even if online dating apps try to force you into a consumer mentality, judging these guys’ merits based on their match percentages and their photos, recognize how superficial that stuff is.
You’re not picking the perfect option from the menu of potential partners online.
You’re not looking for your future husband.
You’re looking for good guys who are able and willing to do the work of love with you.
And you can only find out if a guy could be a good partner by meeting with him in person and seeing what he’s about.
Love practice partners may be harder to find, but they’re out there.
Watch how he treats you. Watch how he treats others. Listen between the lines for the values he lives by.
A guy who practices love will be genuinely interested in getting to know you. He won’t be jumping to any conclusions about who you are or whether you’d be good together. He’ll be okay if you say no.
For me, this is how we solve the crazy mess that’s modern dating.
We’ve got to bring love back into it.
We’ve got to stop trying to “get” our dream partner and instead focus on our own personal growth and self-expansion.
None of us are perfect at loving. We all have triggers and wounds and blocks. Many of us still abandon ourselves the instant we fall in love with someone else.
We’ve got a lot to learn.
So find out what you need to do to love better.
Where are you still operating from limiting beliefs? Where are you slamming doors? What kinds of love do you already have in your life that you’re not valuing? What are you doing to nourish your love for everyone from your companion animals to your reflection in the mirror?
I’ll end with a little secret…
Women who love well are like the smell of grass on a sunny day.
They’re like a long cold drink of ice water in the heat.
They’re like a hug that wraps you up and keeps you safe and accepts all of you and never lets you go.
The world is thirsting for our love.
All too often we think about love in terms of getting some for us. We don’t realize that the love we express and embody is a powerful force for hope and goodness in the world.
I hope you discover the many opportunities around you right now in your life to practice living love. The more you love, the more love shows up. That’s a promise.
