No, 1 in 2 Marriages Don’t End in Divorce – Here’s What’s Really Happening

It looks like we’re going to have to give up the old saying that 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce!

Couples getting married after 2010 are predicted to have the lowest divorce rate since World War II.

If marriage is in your future, that’s great news. You have a better chance at staying married than your parents.

But there’s a twist:

Those great marriages are driven by fewer and fewer couples.

The Cost of Reducing Divorce

For many folks these days, marriage is no longer a duty; it’s a choice.

And when you’re free to choose, people who never wanted to get married in the first place don’t have to, leaving marriage for the (perhaps minority of) folks who really want it and will be good at it.

Marriage is no longer the final destination for many relationships, and maybe that’s a good thing.

How many marriages are entered into out of the sense that it’s the next natural step to take, only to break down, because the relationship doesn’t fit well into a marriage container?

If the cost of reducing divorce is not putting pressure on (possibly) unsuitable couples to get married, then that seems like a price we should be willing to pay.

Don’t Get Married Unless You Think You Can Stay Married

Now, as a relationship expert, I want to see people staying married.

So it excites me to know that the people choosing to get married really want it and are willing to work hard at it.

I’ll never forget the era of “starter marriages,” where it was taken for granted that your first marriage would fail.

The idea was that you needed to be married to understand what marriage entailed – and the next time around, you’d be smarter about it.

But these days, we don’t need to risk our hearts. We don’t need to make foolish mistakes. We can be smart before we say, “I do.”

And being smart about marriage often entails doing something that doesn’t come naturally:

Putting our head before our heart.

Your Feelings Aren’t The Best Guide

We all grew up with the myth of destiny: that when you meet your future husband, you’ll “know” because of the way you feel about him.

The stronger your feelings, the more certain you can be that he’s the one.

But that’s not actually true.

Research has found that the more a couple believes in destiny, that their love is fated and they’re perfect for each other, the harder they find the transition to marriage.

Marriage is work. It can feel disappointing, frustrating, and annoying. But healthy couples know that going in. They’re ready for it.

That’s the quality you want to look for in a spouse.

That he’s prepared for hard work and realistic about what marriage is like.

Sadly, no matter how much you love each other, that’s not a good enough reason to get married.

Feelings get us into relationships. But practical skills keep us married.

Watch out for the man who promises it will “all work out” just because you love one another.

Watch out for the man who promises the moon… but has no idea how to get there.

Instead, ask your head to weigh in.

Can he take on the drudgery of everyday life in partnership with you?

Is he careful about what he promises, thoughtful about what it takes, and reliable in his follow-through?

It’s not romantic, but it’s the stuff of a lifetime together.