In the 20th Century:
A catch is handsome, well-heeled, and romantic.
In the 21st Century:
A catch is emotionally intelligent, kind, and responsible.
It’s obvious to everyone when a man is a catch.
He’s that handsome, confident guy with an expensive watch and an even more expensive car.
He brings a dozen red roses to your doorstep and sweeps you off to Paris for a romantic holiday.
Men know that women want that kind of guy, too.
Websites are full of men teaching each other how to own their masculine confidence, ooze style, and take charge romantically.
The 21st century woman rolls her eyes.
She’s been there, done that.
The handsome, confident guy turns out to be a player… or emotionally abusive… or the type of who expects his wife to be at his beck and call.
The 21st century woman is tired of handling man-boys.
She just wants a man who’s grown up.
A man who shoulders his fair share of the responsibility.
A man who can talk it through when things go wrong.
A man with an empathy chip built in.
Unfortunately, dating sites don’t show that kind of information.
She can see what a man looks like, she can get a sense of his personality, but there’s no emotional maturity score.
Surprisingly enough, many men are in the same boat.
They’re not looking for the stereotypical catch—young, attractive, feminine.
They’ve been there, done that.
They’re tired of dealing with immaturity.
They want to meet someone real who shares their values, communicates, and works through problems respectfully.
But those traits aren’t visible on dating sites.
Many men are resigning themselves to a life alone because they won’t play the game that’s expected of them.
Do you feel like you’d also rather be alone than play the game?
Then start sharing your companionship with someone who values it.
Emotionally intelligent men may not give off that spark of instant chemistry, but the slow burn is worth waiting for.
Questions to consider:
- Why do I get excited about certain men and not others?
- Do I expect to be swept off my feet?
- Is it possible I’ve been unconsciously prioritizing the wrong things?
Ah yes, I fell for that 20th century ideal… twice! And it didn’t work…twice! I’m now a bit wiser and am with someone with whom I can talk things through. It’s not always easy having those difficult conversations. But definitely worth it.
A dating coach once told me that you knew you’d advanced to the next level in dating when kindness was non-negotiable. Today I would add, “And the ability to have hard conversations.” If you’ve got those two things, you can make it through pretty much anything!