Once upon a time, guys had to put in effort to woo a woman.
Everything they wanted—a good job, respect in the community, a home of their own, an active sex life—depended on having a wife.
Lifelong bachelors can enjoy everything married men enjoy—a good job, a home of their own, an active sex life—without ever settling down.
And now that AI has entered the picture, more and more men will be able to get their needs met without having to deal with a woman at all.
What does that mean for the future of relationships?
Will guys start choosing robots over us?
I don’t think human relationships will ever become replaceable. Here’s why…
What You Have That AI Doesn’t
You have one thing that AI will never be able to duplicate:
A human body.
And that warm, living body does something that no robot ever created will be able to do.
Think you know what it is?
No, I’m not talking about the ability of your body to turn him on. 😉
I’m talking about something you do without even realizing it.
Something you do for all your friends. Something you do for everyone who loves you.
Something your future husband won’t be able to get enough of.
What is this mysterious something?
It’s the ability to create attachment through co-regulation.
It sounds like a mouthful, but it’s an incredibly powerful concept.
You can use the power and magic of your physical presence to make your guy crave being with you and only you.
Here’s how it works…
The Life of The Mind
Humans are big-brained mammals.
We love our brains. We love to think. Thanks to technology, we can spend all day locked inside our heads.
In fact, some people joke that the only purpose of their body is to carry their brain around!
Think about it:
How much of your day do you spend staring at a screen, thinking, talking, and typing?
Meanwhile, your body just sits there, waiting for when you’ll need it next.
That brain-centric orientation has even seeped into how we do relationships.
We maintain our relationships through staring at our phones, thinking, talking, and typing.
Our bodies just sit there, waiting for when we’ll need them next.
This is not what we evolved to do!
Back to the Body
We have enormous brains, but we also have whip-smart bodies.
Our bodies work around the clock to keep us alive, safe, and happy. They carry the wisdom of millions of years of evolution. It’s fair to say that our bodies are smarter than we are!
Our bodies come pre-programmed with certain biological imperatives. Find food. Stay safe. Find shelter. Stay warm.
What you may not know is that we also have a biological imperatives to attach.
We become emotionally attached to certain people. It’s not a choice. It’s the way our bodies respond to the presence of other bodies.
This powerful bond ensures that we’ll never have to go through life alone.
Just as hunger drives us to seek food and cold drives us to seek heat, so loneliness drives us to seek attachment.
The absence of attachment makes life feel unsafe and uncertain. Our health suffers. We perceive rejection everywhere.
Our bodies need attachment from other bodies. We can’t get attachment from an app.
How Attachment Works
The attachment system is ancient. It evolved from the need to keep mothers and babies close.
When you see a mother dog licking her puppy, or a mother cat purring while her kittens clamber over her, you’re seeing the attachment system in action.
Attachment does three things. It:
- Makes mothers and babies want to stay close to each other.
- Makes mothers and babies feel distressed when they’re forced to be apart.
- Enables mothers to calm their baby when the baby gets upset.
But attachment isn’t just for mothers and babies.
Romantic partners become attached, too.
In romantic relationships, attachment:
- Makes you want to stay close to your beloved.
- Makes you feel distressed when you can’t be together.
- Gives your partner the power to calm you when you get upset.
Have you ever experienced that?
Being securely attached to your beloved gives you a feeling of safety and security.
His mere presence makes you feel better (and vice versa).
There’s a name for this power.
It’s called co-regulation.
The Power to Make Each Other Feel Better
When you are emotionally attached to someone, how he feels affects how you feel.
If he is calm and confident, you begin to feel calmer and more confident.
Your moods are entangled.
But this power can also work against you.
If he’s stressed and angry, you can start to feel stressed and anxious.
That’s not what you want to have happen!
With healthy co-regulation, the distressed partner seeks comfort from their loved one. They rely on the loving presence of their partner to calm their physiology.
If your heart is racing, you snuggle up against your partner until you feel your heart rate slowing to match his.
He doesn’t have to do or say anything. His physical presence is enough.
How easily you are comforted by your partner is a sign of how healthy your attachment bond is.
Robots Can’t Co-Regulate
In today’s stressful world, we need a reliable source of comfort in our lives.
In the absence of attached relationships, we may turn to alcohol or food or devices to help us manage our emotions.
But our human bodies know better.
Our bodies crave physical connection. (This is separate from the desire for sex.)
We feel safest and most secure when we have at least one other person to whom we feel attached.
That’s what you can offer a man…
And it’s something he can’t get from an AI girlfriend.
But let’s back up a moment. You know what an AI girlfriend can give him that you can’t?
She can show up on his phone better than you can.
Her selfies are more attractive. She’s always available. She always knows the right thing to text. She’s his every fantasy.
If you try to play that game, you’ll lose.
So don’t waste your energy trying to build something real via texting.
If you connect with him through technology, you lose your human advantage over AI.
Your advantage is that you’re embodied.
Use that warm living body for all it’s worth. 🙂
Be with him IRL. Be that comforting presence that reminds him someone has his back. Everything’s going to be okay. You’re here now, and you’re not going anywhere.