When Liking Him Too Much Backfires

Why does falling hard for a man almost guarantee he’ll pull away from you?

Apparently, according to the internet , it’s because men need to chase. They need to believe they’re the one going after you.

Your job is to stamp down those strong feelings, pretend you don’t care about him, and push him away occasionally just to keep things interesting.

In other words, act like a teenager. Love like it’s high school. Don’t show up as a grown woman with honesty and integrity.

Because grown women know it’s unpleasant when someone plays games with you!

It’s not nice when a man acts like he’s not interested in you and he could care less, just to make you more interested in him.

Good men agree. They can’t stand the games, either. They’d rather stay single than let a date mess with their head.

They dream about meeting someone honest, up front with her intentions, and realistic about the fact that it may not work out.

Being Being Honest Doesn’t Work!

But maybe you’ve tried that.

You’ve told a man how you felt about him, and your confession scared him away.

What did you do wrong?

If men say they want a woman who’s honest and up front, why don’t they always respond positively to it?

Here’s part of what’s really going on…

He’s Afraid You Like Him TOO Much

Let’s say you’ve met someone. A guy, a gal, at work, at the gym, anywhere.

And you had a great conversation. It flowed effortlessly. You have so much in common.

You can tell your new friend feels the same way. They’re beaming. They think you’re great. They ask if you’d like to catch up again sometime. You say yes.

Then you go home…

And you worry.

Maybe they won’t like you as much once they get to know you.

Maybe, if you spend more time together, they’ll realize you’re not as great as they thought at first.

Maybe you’ll run out of things to say and they’ll get bored of you.

Maybe they’ll catch a glimpse of the REAL you, and they’ll run away screaming.

That fear is in all of us—men included!

No matter how confident a man seems, part of him deep down worries that you won’t like him as much once you catch a glimpse of his uncensored self.

His uncouth habits. The crude way he talks sometimes. His emotional baggage, his sarcasm, his anxiety.

The more brightly your eyes beam when you smile at him, the more that little voice inside him nudges him. “She’s going to be sooo disappointed once she finds out who you really are!”

So what does he do?

He withdraws. He shuts down. He acts like he doesn’t care.

He’s getting ready for your eventual rejection of him.

Because he knows that the person you think he is isn’t the REAL him.

The person you have feelings for is his mask, his persona, his “cool guy” act.

So the clock is ticking. A reckoning is coming. And he’d rather be gone by the time you find out he’s not the incredible amazing guy you thought he was.

Now, not all men are like that.

But a LOT of men are like that.

What they’d rather have in the beginning of a relationship isn’t your admiration and eagerness—it’s the sense that their true self might be safe with you.

Don’t Assume He’s Great – Wait to See His “Bad” Side

Many men have a dream.

They’d like someone to truly see them.

Not the side of them they present to the world—strong, confident, stoic, capable…

But the inner self they protect and guard.

They can tell instantly when a woman is attracted to their “manly man” act. It feels great, and they’ll enjoy a casual relationship with her, but it can never go beyond the surface because she doesn’t want to know he’s not actually all those things.

He has an emotional side. An uncool side. A weak side. A side that’s like a kid always messing up.

And when he finds a woman who feels fondly about that side of him…

His heart lands at her feet.

Why Men Hide Their Whole Self from Women

But most women never will see that side of him.

He won’t let them. He doesn’t trust them enough.

He thinks women need men to be certain things. Protectors. Providers. Leaders. Useful.

He believes women cannot be attracted to men who cry, who feel inadequate, who are needy, who have no idea what to do.

He believes his “weak” side turns women off, throws cold water on chemistry, and makes her more likely to cheat.

So he keeps his guard up, even with the woman he loves. He doesn’t want to let her down.

And what he gets in security, he pays for in loneliness. Because he can never quite trust the relationship.

Once she finds out he’s not perfect, once he lets her down one too many times, he’s convinced she’ll leave him for someone better.

He Doesn’t Want to Disappoint You

This is why so many men keep their guard up.

This is why they refuse to talk about their feelings or show any weakness.

They don’t want to be a disappointment. They don’t want to risk exposing their deepest truth to a woman, only for her to withdraw in disgust—and tell everyone else what an emotional weakling he is. It only takes one slip-up to make her lose all respect for him.

This is why so many men feel relationships are a minefield. There are so many ways things can go wrong.

So, when a woman says she’s falling for him, it doesn’t feel like a gift. It feels like an invitation to dance on a field littered with landmines.

Knowing this, could you do things differently?

Maybe, when you’re falling for a man, you don’t hand him your feelings on a plate. Instead, you think about a gift he might want even more.

Trust. Safety. Steadiness. Acceptance.

You keep showing up. Keep caring. Keep welcoming every side of him he’s brave enough to share.

You build that sturdy foundation on the ground instead of constructing castles in the sky.