Is He Chasing Thrills… Or Choosing You?

There’s plenty of advice out there on how to drag a man across the Gap.

You have to inspire his devotion. You’ve got to enchant him.

You have to help him through his bonding stages.

And who am I to say whether those methods will work for you? They might. If they do, you’ll be ever-so-grateful you took that chance.

But here’s what I don’t want:

I don’t want you blaming yourself if your guy balks at the Gap.

It can feel humiliating when a guy just wants to have fun but nothing more with you.

He’s happy to be with you when he’s getting something…

But he vanishes into thin air when nothing is going on—or, even worse, when you have the audacity to need something from him.

It’s not that he doesn’t want you. It’s that he only wants you on his terms.

That’s the mindset of a man who’s perfectly content in CasualLand.

He wants the dopamine hits. He likes to win. He likes to be the boss.

You can come along for the ride, as long as you realize he’s not going to be scaling some mountain with you.

Don’t get in that position.

Figure out which kind of man you’re dealing with—early.

Here are some clues to look for.

Dopamine: He says the most romantic things you’ve ever heard… but rarely follows through.
Devotion: He’s careful not to promise the moon, but his actions put stars in your eyes.

Dopamine: He’d rather text than talk.
Devotion: He’d rather be with you in person than on a device.

Dopamine: He won’t meet up unless it will lead to something more.
Devotion: He’ll meet up as much as he can, even if it’s just to say hi.

Dopamine: He only wants to do things that are fun for him.
Devotion: He doesn’t care if it’s boring as long as you like it.

Dopamine: He’s got to be the man.
Devotion: You’re partners, first and foremost.

Dopamine: He’s irritated when your emotions bring him down.
Devotion: He tries to help when you’re down.

Dopamine: You have no right to criticize him.
Devotion: He’ll swallow tough feedback because he cares how his actions affect you.

Dopamine: You’ve got to prove yourself worthy of him.
Devotion: You’re already worthy just as you are.

Dopamine: If you weren’t with him, he’d have another girl just like that.
Devotion: There is no other woman like you.

Keep your eyes open.