It doesn’t matter if you’re dating or in a relationship…
It doesn’t matter if things are going amazingly…
He is going to do this to you.
He’s going to pull away.
He’ll go silent. He’ll stop seeing you. He’ll avoid getting close.
And if you don’t know better, you’ll make the #1 mistake that most women make:
You’ll freak out.
You’ll think something is wrong.
You’ll think you did something to drive him away.
And you’ll hustle like crazy until you get him back.
Talking Doesn’t Fix Everything
As women, when we feel stressed, we immediately reach out to someone to help us feel better.
We pick up the phone. We ask for a hug. We get up and see somebody.
We know that talking through our problems helps us deal with them. We don’t have to go through it alone.
But not all men feel the same.
For a lot of men, the moment there’s any stress, they withdraw. They retreat to their own private space so they can deal with things on their own.
They may zone out and watch sports or play video games. To a woman, that looks like avoiding the problem. But to him, it is the way he’s dealing with it. He’s giving his subconscious time to process everything and come up with a solution.
He may not want to be around you. He may not want to talk. He just needs some space.
But he knows he can’t tell you he needs space. You’ll freak out. You’ll think it’s about you. You’ll want to talk about what’s wrong.
So he finds ways to avoid you instead.
Space Keeps Him Sane
It can be hard for us to understand how much men need space.
They need a break every once in a while. A break from being a boyfriend, a break from all the talking, a break from the emotional intensity of a relationship.
It’s tough on them when the women in their lives don’t realize that.
He ends up feeling guilty for needing space. So maybe, for your sake, he tries to give it up. Then he ends up resenting you. At some point, he can’t do it anymore. He either vanishes without telling you, or he breaks it off.
Don’t let it get that far!
Here’s what you need to do…
Step 1. Reframe It
When a man pulls away, the FIRST thing you need to do is reframe it in your head.
This is not about you.
Even if he’s pulling away because he needs space from you, this is still about him. It’s about how he’s reacting to the situation. It says nothing about you.
You didn’t make him pull away. He pulled away because of something inside of him.
If you don’t freak out about it, and you can see it as just a way he recharges himself, then you can approach it with a light heart. You can even joke about it. Ask him if he’s taking his “man time” again. Tell him you’ll see him when he gets back from his “cave.”
When he sees that you’re not freaked out by it, he can relax. You get it. He’s not going to come back to an annoyed woman. That’s going to make it a lot easier for him to want to come back.
But that’s only the FIRST step.
There’s a SECOND step that’s equally as important.
If all you do is show him that you’re okay with his need for space, he might think, “Okay, then, I can take all the space I want whenever I need it, even if it’s inconvenient.”
That’s why you need to do this…
Step 2. Take Space of Your Own
When he takes his space, you need to take YOUR space.
You need to see his absence or withdrawal as an opportunity for you to go do things for yourself. Like visit your family, or hang out with the girls, or do things that he absolutely hates and won’t do with you.
Build up a life outside of him. Make sure that life thrives. He’s not your entire world. You love him, but you have a lot of love coming in from other sources, too.
When he pulls away, and then comes out of his solitary stupor to realize how much fun you’ve been having in his absence, he’s going to wake up. What’s he been missing? What were you doing without him?
That’s going to pull him back.
That’s what ALWAYS brings men back: