Sometimes the desire to have your own family can be so painful…
You make terrible choices.
Choices you end up paying for. BIG time.
Choices that push you further away from having a family than before.
How many of us get into a relationship with someone for no other reason than because he’s the only man interested at that moment?
How many of us feel guilty for not being where we “should be” at this stage in our lives?
How many of us consider saying yes to the first marriage proposal we receive, because we’re not sure if we’ll ever get another one?
I can remember standing in my parents’ house after graduation, listening to them advise me to marry my college boyfriend, because I wouldn’t find someone like him again.
Or standing at a party, listening to well-meaning acquaintances urge me to start thinking about having children, because I was only getting older and I’d regret it if I waited until it was too late.
What have well-meaning friends and family told you?
We can’t help but be affected by those conversations.
Because we do want a family. Eventually. With the right person.
We want a home. We want to be loved. We want someone to lean on.
We want a husband and kids to spoil. We want a full house at Christmas. We want safety, security, happiness, and a future.
And we deserve those things.
So one day it happens.
You’re having fun with your boyfriend. Everything is going just fine…
But it’s not enough anymore.
It feels so superficial. Like it’s not going anywhere. Like you’re wasting your time.
“Is this IT?” you think. “Going out, having a good time, and going back to our separate lives?”
Then you think the thought that changes everything:
“I want MORE.”
And you go looking for a family. YOUR family.
The place where you will always belong.
In my thirties, I thought I’d found it. MY family.
I was thrilled. Happily-ever-after was finally in reach. I was ready to graduate from those long years of relationship training. I’d learned to communicate, I’d learned to resolve conflict, I’d learned to live alongside someone. I was prepared. Bring it on.
And in the excitement…
I missed some things.
I didn’t spot some red flags I should have seen. I dismissed some incidents I should have paid attention to. I assumed too much.
And I set myself up for a huge fall.
Afterwards, licking my wounds, making sure my bones weren’t broken, I mentally shook myself. How could I have done something so stupid? How could I have been so blind?
I’d seen only what I wanted to see. My family, within reach.
I learned my lesson. And I want to pass it onto you.
Instead of looking for someone to make a family with…
Find someone to family with.
A family isn’t something to get. It’s something you do with the right person.
The right guy families with you. He does those things you do when you’re family. He looks out for you. He plans ahead. He tries to be honest. He wants to know what you think. He shoulders his share of responsibility. He is careful not to hurt you.
Maybe there’s no one you’re familying with at the moment. But that doesn’t mean you can’t start familying on your own.
What does a family mean to you?
Does it mean a comfortable home? Then start making your home comfortable.
Does it mean a full house at Christmas? Then start writing invitations.
Does it mean having someone to rely on? Then start being that shoulder for others.
There’s more to families than a man, a woman, and their biological children.
Familying is a skill. It’s something you can start practicing right now.
Then when a relationship comes your way that’s filled with promise, glittering with fairy dust, you won’t ask yourself whether he’d be willing to make a family with you.
You’ll look to see if he’s capable of familying.
And that will make all the difference.