You know who the real catch is?
It’s not the handsome successful guy.
It’s not the confident well-tailored man.
It’s not even the muscular pro athlete.
It’s the emotionally intelligent guy.
The research is overwhelmingly clear:
His money and his looks won’t help him when it comes to loving a woman well.
(If anything, wealth and good looks hamper a man’s relationship ability. They increase his risk of divorce and make him less likely to feel satisfied in his current relationship.)
What does have a massive impact on a man’s ability to love is his level of emotional intelligence.
In fact, one of the most powerful—and surprising—factors that predicts his ability to live happily ever after is his ability to accept influence from you.
He takes your feelings and views into account. He changes his behavior as a result of your input.
So how do you find one of these amazing catches?
How do you spot a man who has real emotional intelligence?
Look for these 3 skills:
- Empathy
- Emotional regulation
- Repair
Empathy
Sometimes you think something is true when it isn’t.
You think your partner was being mean to you when in fact he was distracted by something else.
You think he was overreacting when in fact you didn’t know the full extent of his circumstances.
In good relationships, you recognize that what you believe isn’t always the truth.
You get the facts before jumping to conclusions. When in doubt, you ask him.
You’re always trying to communicate better. Your goal is to understand him rather than judge him.
Not all men have been trained like this.
Some men believe that what they think about a situation is the truth. They don’t have to ask questions. They don’t have to get further information.
They’re unable to take your perspective, because they believe there’s only one perspective: theirs.
Look for a man who gets your viewpoint and tries to see situations from your point of view. The reward will be less conflict and more compromise in your relationship.
Emotional Regulation
We all have moments where our emotions get the better of us.
We’re hungry. We’re stressed. We’re tired. We snapped.
Most of us have the self-awareness to know when we’re in a temper.
We remove ourselves from the situation. We do what we need to calm down. We zip our lips, because we know that whatever comes out of our mouths won’t be good.
Not all people can do that.
Some people fly into a temper, and they take it out on those around them.
They vent their frustration on others. Their explosive temper makes everyone walk on eggshells.
It is very hard to be in a relationship with someone who can’t or won’t emotionally regulate.
A good man understands the importance of containing his bad moods.
Yes, he gets into a temper sometimes, but he recognizes it. He finds a way to calm down without taking it out on you.
He doesn’t use his temper as an excuse for saying mean or hurtful things.
Repair
Happy couples fight.
They fight as much as unhappy couples.
What makes them different is that they repair the damage.
When you have a fight with your guy, or when you have an exchange that left you both feeling upset or angry, do you fix those hurt feelings?
Do you reach out to one another, apologize, or try again?
If not, don’t despair. Learning how to repair is a skill that couples can learn.
(Learn more about repair here.)
Even if your guy doesn’t know how to fix things after a fight, what matters is that he’s willing to learn.
He can see that what he’s doing isn’t helping. He’s open to trying something new.
A good guy doesn’t want to say or do things that hurt you. When he does, he wants to make it right again.
(If, on the other hand, he justifies his behavior or blames it on you, you might be in a toxic relationship.)
Ultimately, the real catch is a man who wants to understand you, doesn’t want to hurt you, and wants to make your life together work for the both of you—not just him.
His desire to make things work with you is so great that it motivates him to bend a little, adapt himself to you, and try new relationship skills.
That’s the kind of guy who has happily-ever-after in mind…
And that’s the kind of guy I want for you!
Let us know what you think!