In the 20th Century:
What you do in bed is make it or break it.
In the 21st Century:
What you do when you hurt each other is make it or break it.
True or false:
“The health of your relationship comes down to what happens in the bedroom.”
I know many twenty-somethings who’d say, “Absolutely!”
They won’t consider a relationship until they’ve slept with someone.
If the physical connection is undeniable, they’ll stick with it—even if he’s a jerk or doesn’t want a relationship. (They think the pseudo-intimacy of the bedroom will change his mind.)
What you do in bed is the obvious litmus test of your relationship.
But it’s not the true one.
If you want to know whether this relationship has what it takes, look at the one place you’d rather turn away from:
The ways in which he hurts you.
How do you handle the hurt?
If getting hurt leads to defensiveness (on his part) and resentment (on yours), then not even crackling chemistry can make this relationship work.
Questions to Consider
- How does he respond when I feel hurt by him?
- What do I do with the hurt I feel?
- Have we ever practiced what the Gottman Institute calls “repair attempts“?
P.S. If your partner treats you badly but you love him and don’t want to leave him, this minicourse helps you set the healthy boundaries you need.
Let us know what you think!