In the 20th Century:
If you do the right thing, everything will be all right.
In the 21st Century:
All you can do is make healthy choices for yourself and the relationship.
One of the biggest draws of relationship advice is the promise of certainty in love.
“If you do X, Y, and Z, he’ll love you and stay with you forever.”
How much would that formula be worth to you? Everything you have?
Here’s the thing:
That advice didn’t even work back in the 20th century.
(The 1995 book The Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right claimed to have the guaranteed formula. Ironically co-author Ellen Fein ended up divorced—on the eve of publication of the third book: Time-tested Secrets for Making Your Marriage Work.)
I fell for that promise, too.
I genuinely believed that if I did my job well as a partner—emotional support, happy home, delicious meals, memorable holiday celebrations—I’d be rewarded with love everlasting.
Today, I am older and wiser.
Many of you are older and wiser, too.
You did the “right” thing.
Now it’s time to try doing the healthy thing.
What is the healthiest choice for the relationship and for yourself?
Questions to Consider
- How much do I worry about doing the right thing?
- Is it possible that the “right thing” isn’t what’s healthy?
- Can I think of a time I did the “right” thing instead of the healthy thing? How did that work out for me?
P.S. Want to know what science says about staying together? Throw out the rules and take this Lasting Marriage Quiz instead.
Let us know what you think!