In 1991, Alison Armstrong got a phone call that stopped her in her tracks.
A friend called her out on the way she spoke to men.
Alison didn’t believe it at first. But then her friend listed all the ways she’d seen Alison put down men.
“When you are done with them,” her friend said, “it’s like they have been with a vampire.”
Alison couldn’t shake those words.
That moment sparked a vow that would change her life forever.
She swore she’d never belittle or tear down a man again.
Not to his face.
Not behind his back.
Not even in her thoughts.
And that one decision changed everything.
The Vow That Became Legend
By the time I became a love coach in 2005, Alison had become something of a legend.
She taught a famous seminar called “Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women,” in which she challenged every woman to take a bold stand:
No more man-bashing.
No more complaining about men. No more blaming men. No more treating men as the enemy.
It sounded simple. But it wasn’t.
Because, let’s face it, complaining about men is practically a reflex.
Think about it. How often have you said—or heard—things like:
“Men are so clueless.”
“They’re like children who never grow up.”
“They only care about themselves.”
“All they care about is getting naked.”
“Why can’t they just get it?”
These types of comments feel harmless.
They bond us as women.
But Alison believed those words carry a cost.
The bitterness we feel toward men seeps into our relationships.
It hardens us, and we don’t even realize it.
But Is That Really The Answer?
When I was just starting out as a love coach, I didn’t find it hard to follow Alison’s lead.
Of course I was positive about men. I was teaching women to get into relationships with them!
I’d worked in traditionally masculine fields most of my life. Most of my friends were guys.
It was easy for me to preach the gospel of forgiving your exes and giving every new man the benefit of the doubt.
It wouldn’t be until much later that I began to have second thoughts.
Was silence really the answer to the gender wars?
Was it fair to never call men out?
Could this approach really heal the rift between men and women—or was it just asking women to swallow their pain?
I’ll share my thoughts in my next article, but for now here are some questions to consider:
- How often do I speak poorly about men?
- How often do I judge my partner for being “such a guy”?
- Do I wish my partner could be more like me? Is that fair?
- Does my partner know the way I feel? How might it be affecting our relationship?
Let us know what you think!