In the 20th Century:
Life is full of things you don’t want to do. Get used to it.
In the 21st Century:
You always have options.
When you’re a kid, you don’t have much control over your life.
Your parents decide everything. They’re the absolute authority. If you don’t want to do something, they can make you do it.
My parents told me that as long as I was living under their roof, I had to do things their way.
Which meant I was THRILLED to leave home and live life my way.
What I didn’t expect was that, deep down, I was still carrying the belief that I wasn’t allowed to say no to something I didn’t want.
That belief REALLY showed up in relationships.
I wanted to be easy going and happy with anything. That’s what I thought a good girlfriend was.
But going along with what he wanted meant that my relationships always ended up being about what HE wanted, not what I wanted!
If you don’t know what you want, that’s cool. If you want to try things his way, that’s cool, too.
But you DO know what you don’t want. You DO know when something isn’t right.
And that’s when you need to say something.
At any time you can say, “This isn’t working for me. Let’s try something different.”
It doesn’t matter if he’s gotten used to you agreeing with him. It doesn’t matter if you’ve never said no in the past.
You can make a new choice, based on how you feel in this moment.
Question to consider:
What do you need to say no to?
P.S. Does conflict make you nervous? Disagreeing with him can be scary if you’re not sure how he’ll react. Find out how to softly and persuasively change his mind with the 5 Core Concerns.
Let us know what you think!