A question:
If there’s one thing all men have in common, it’s their enjoyment of … what?
Chances are, you answered with a 3-letter word that starts with s. 😉
It’s the obvious answer. There wouldn’t be movies like Porky’s or American Pie if it weren’t.
But there’s much more to the story than meets the eye.
Men aren’t one-trick ponies.
Even though the stereotypical man wants just one thing, real men want more.
What Men Want
Believe it or not, studies show that men are more romantic than women.
They’re more likely to believe in love at first sight, more likely to believe in “The One,” and more likely to say “I love you” first.[1]
Men are just as interested in marriage as women, too.
Check out this truth bomb from the Pew Research Center:
Single men are more likely than their female counterparts to be searching for romantic experiences. Half of these men are looking for a committed relationship and/or casual dates, while [just over a third of] of single women say the same.”[2]
Does that surprise you?
Research like this doesn’t get a lot of press time because it flies in the face of our preferred stereotypes about men.
Many men feel that they have to hide or downplay the side of themselves that wants love and marriage, because they’ve been socialized to believe that their masculinity depends on something else:
How many women they sleep with.
“Thou Shalt Sleep Around”
To be a man, he has to follow the Man Code.
The Man Code is not marriage-friendly. It requires men to prove their virility and actively avoid being tied down.
If a guy has the chance to sleep with someone and turns it down, his friends will wonder aloud what’s wrong with him and give him a hard time about it.
As a result, many young men find themselves pressured into being more sexually active than they really want to be.
Research by Dr. Sarah Hunter Murray found that men feel pressured to act as if their desire is high and constant, even when (as often happens) they’re not in the mood.[3]
And the women in their lives never suspect a thing.
As women, we talk about having to fake it in the bedroom sometimes, but most of us would never guess that guys fake it from time to time, too.
Guys pretend to be more interested in getting physical than they really are, for fear of not being seen as masculine enough.
And we women accidentally reinforce these stereotypes.
Don’t Reinforce The Man Code
Have you ever decided that a man wasn’t interested in you just because he didn’t try to get you into bed right away?
Have you ever conducted a relationship entirely through sexy flirtation?
Have you ever worried that your relationship was cooling because you weren’t doing it enough?
Have you ever tried to feel more connected with him by making things more exciting in bed (rather than actually talking to him)?
It’s a lot easier to sleep together than to have a real, honest conversation.
But you’ll never get to know the man beneath the armor unless you dare to challenge the Man Code.
Instead of relating to him as if his only desire is for sex, relate to him as a human being who wants to be loved and accepted.
Connect to the part of him that’s nervous, that wants to be liked, that’s afraid of being judged.
Show him that you’re willing to take off your own mask by revealing something vulnerable about yourself.
When we expect guys to prioritize sex, we prime guys to relate to us through sex.
Sometimes guys just like to cuddle. Sometimes guys need reassurance. Sometimes guys would rather sleep than sleep around.
And that’s okay.
In fact, honesty is pretty hot. 🙂
Want to Learn More?
If you want more myth-busting information about what goes on in the bedroom…
Then you’ll love my book Unleash Your Pleasure Power.
Discover why heaven and earth aren’t moving in the bedroom…
And what it takes to rock your world again.
[1] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/close-encounters/201408/whos-really-more-romantic-men-or-women
[2] https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/02/08/for-valentines-day-5-facts-about-single-americans/
[3] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/myths-desire/201706/how-masculinity-is-stifling-mens-sexual-desire
Let us know what you think!