In the 20th Century:
The foundation of a strong sexual connection is polarity.
In the 21st Century:
The foundation of a strong sexual connection is friendship.
If you look for advice online on how to create chemistry, you’ll be served up a heaping helping of polarity.
Sexual polarity was the buzzword of the 20th century.
It promoted the idea that men and women are attracted to each other because they’re like opposite poles of a magnet.
Without a feminine pole and a masculine pole, there’s no charge and therefore no chemistry.
It was a nice idea, but could it stand up to rigorous scientific testing?
In other words, was there strong evidence that masculine men and feminine women have hotter chemistry and better love lives?
And the answer is….
No.
The reason seems obvious in retrospect:
Any time you feel like you have to perform according to a certain script, you don’t get to bring your full self to the bedroom.
You settle for what you should want.
You don’t get to explore all the things you could want and be, if you were allowed.
So what does help you explore all the things?
Trusting and feeling safe with your partner.
21st Century Attraction
Today, it’s clear that attraction comes in 1001+ different flavors.
Women are attracted to all kinds of men. Men are attracted to all kinds of women.
What sustains a lasting sexual connection is the quality of a couple’s relationship.
Specifically, couples who:
- Trust and admire each other,
- Decide that sex matters to them, and
- Toss out the “shoulds” to explore what works for them and their own unique relationship…
…Have the very best shot of staying sexually connected for a lifetime.
Questions to consider:
- Do I feel free to suggest anything I want in bed?
- Do my partner and I “check in” with each other in bed? Or is guidance and feedback a no-no?
P.S. Want an entire book on staying connected in the bedroom? Then check out Dr. Emily Nagoski’s new release, Come Together: The Science (And Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections.
Let us know what you think!