When a new relationship begins, there are two ways it can go.
The first is the fast path.
You meet someone. There’s instant chemistry. You fall into bed, and the sparks determine whether you keep seeing each other.
We might call this a Matchstick Relationship. It heats up fast… but can burn out just as fast.
Yet it’s the most popular path in romance. It’s what we see in movies. It’s the path we’re urged down by dating apps.
Many singles won’t even consider a relationship unless they feel that immediate physical spark. For them, getting physical is a screening test—if there aren’t sparks, they move on.
But there’s another way.
A slower way.
A way that builds something deeper.
It’s the Slow Burn.
The term comes from fan fiction.
Two characters get to know each other outside of a romantic context. They don’t start with attraction—they might even start with dislike. Over time, they fall for each other secretly. The tension builds. The longing grows. The payoff, when it finally comes, is delicious.
Not everyone has the patience for a Slow Burn.
It takes time.
It takes faith.
You have to believe the connection is worth waiting for.
You have to believe it will lead somewhere worthwhile.
But here’s why I believe in it…
The slower you go, the stronger the foundation.
One study found that couples who knew each other for at least three months before getting together were more likely to end up happily married.
Other studies show that couples who were friends first report more satisfying, resilient relationships.
The early days of a relationship are filled with anticipation, mystery, and excitement. Why rush through that? Why not savor it?
A Slow Burn also gives you one priceless advantage:
You get to see his character.
When a man is willing to get to know you without a physical payoff, it says something.
He’s there because he enjoys you. Your mind, your values, your vibe.
That’s the kind of man who’s more likely to show up for you in the long run.
So here’s something to try the next time you meet someone interesting:
Ask him what he thinks is the best way to start a relationship.
Should two people sleep together right away to test their chemistry?
Or should they build a friendship first and let the tension simmer?
His answer will tell you a lot.
Let us know what you think!