Does He Know You Better Than You Know Yourself?

When I first came on the scene 20 years ago, men were already teaching each other a clever way to attract women:

Just use psychology to tell her things about herself.

Surprise her with these pseudo “deep insights” that amaze her with their accuracy, and she’ll feel an incredible connection to this guy who seems to see right into her soul.

Men knew, even back then, that women are fascinated by self-discovery.

It’s why we take all those quizzes. It’s why we know our star sign, personality type, and Hogwarts House. It’s fun!

But should you trust a man who acts like he knows you deeply from the moment he lays eyes on you?

No.

Because what he’s offering isn’t insight. It’s seduction.

His claims are a sleight of hand—a trick designed to make his dates believe he’s more perceptive than he really is.

How The Illusion Works

Some men study cold reading, a technique borrowed from magicians and mentalists that involves making broad but emotionally resonant statements that feel eerily specific.

A man might say:

You seem like the kind of person who’s really strong for other people, but you secretly wish someone would take care of you for once,” or…

“You have a creative side not everyone sees, and sometimes you feel like the world doesn’t really understand your dreams.”

These lines sound insightful, but the truth is, they could apply to almost anyone.

Or he might say:

You have this guarded way of smiling. It’s like you’re strong, but you’ve had to be. Someone didn’t treat you right once, huh?”

You might feel shocked. How could he know? But nearly everyone has been hurt before.

Or he might flatter you by saying:

You’re not like other women. I can tell. Most women are shallow about relationships. But you seem like someone who really values emotional connection.”

This feels personal, but it isn’t. Most women value emotional connection deeply.

The Darker Truth

These techniques are not only manipulative, but they reveal something far more dangerous:

A man who claims to know you better than you know yourself—without earning that knowledge over time—is already gaslighting you.

Gaslighting is when someone tries to replace your truth with theirs.

He tells you you’re angry when you’re not. He insists you meant to hurt him when you didn’t. He plants doubts about what you know in your heart.

That’s not romantic. That’s emotional abuse.

A man who feels entitled to define you in the first few hours will feel entitled to redefine you later—when you’re too in love to fight back.

Never let a man tell you who you are.

Real intimacy isn’t based on guessing games. It’s based on curiosity, patience, and conversation.

You are the expert on what you think, want, and feel. If he’s lucky, maybe you’ll let him into your world.

One Final Thought…

Now, here’s a provocative question for you…

What about all the psychoanalyzing WE do?

Is it fair to him to think we’ve “read him correctly” when we’ve only met him a few times?

And what about courses like Bob Grant’s “What’s He REALLY Thinking?” that promise to teach you how to get inside men’s minds? Is that ethical?

Here’s what I think…

As long as you’re focused on understanding him better—and have the humility to recognize he will ALWAYS understand himself better than you do—it’s okay.

But sometimes we like to believe we understand our guy better than he understands himself. That’s dangerous.

Men don’t want women to psychoanalyze them. Many men find it offensive. They want women to be direct and ask them—not assume.

So don’t make the same mistake. Don’t tell your man who he is. Instead, invite him to reflect with you.