The Best Friend Test

In the 20th Century:
You have a spouse and a best friend.

In the 21st Century:
Your spouse is your best friend.

My grandmother never would have called her husband her best friend.

She had her best friends: a group of fellow teachers with whom she met weekly until the end of her life.

There was no way a man could provide the kind of companionship and friendship other women could.

Strong friendships made it possible for women to thrive even in poor or so-so marriages.

They didn’t need their husband to make them happy. They had their girlfriends to laugh with, cry with, and commiserate with.

Those marriages are still around, and for some women they work just fine.

But for many others, there’s a new expectation:

That the person you marry will be your best friend.

Back in 1993, only 44% of adults in relationships considered their partner to be their best friend.

Today, that number has skyrocketed to a whopping 83%.¹

Most people can’t imagine marrying someone who isn’t their best friend.

And they’re wise to do so.

When researchers asked couples who’d been happily married for over 15 years the secret to their success, the #1 reason was being best friends.²

One small study even found that “82% of both men and women believe the best relationships begin platonically, not romantically.”³

The science is clear:

Passion is not what keeps your love alive over the decades. It’s friendship.

Unfortunately, friendship takes time to develop.

That’s time the modern dating scene no longer has. Many people believe that chemistry should be evident from the get-go; if it’s not, they move on.

Questions to consider:

• Can you feel attracted to someone you consider a friend?
• When you think back over your relationship history, how many times were you in a relationship with someone you considered your best friend?
• If you’re in a relationship, how do you work on your friendship?

P.S. Do you belong to each other?

Nothing is more beautiful than knowing your love is the one place you’ll always belong. But how can you create it in your relationship?

Discover the elements of unbreakable belonging in this minicourse based on the work of Brené Brown.