In the 20th Century:
The best way to show him love is to do nice things for him.
In the 21st Century:
The best way to show him love is to understand him.
What do men miss most when they lose someone they love?
Do they miss all the little things she did for them? The dinners, the tidy home, the holiday celebrations?
No.
They miss the company of the one person on earth who truly understood them.
There is nothing like having a history with someone.
You’ve spent a huge chunk of your life with them.
They’ve seen you at your best and your worst.
They’re tolerant of your failings. They know why you are the way you are.
You don’t have to explain yourself. You talk to each other in shorthand.
And yet when we think about relationships, we tend to think it’s about doing things for one another.
We want to see the grand gestures, the romantic holidays, the thoughtful presents.
We miss the beauty of cooking a meal and cleaning up the kitchen together… tag-teaming a weekend of grocery shopping and housekeeping… taking over the chores when a partner is exhausted or ill.
We underestimate the value of coming to know one another’s moods and rhythms.
Yet it’s understanding one other—not entertaining each other—that deepens the love.
Questions to Consider
- Do you already understand your guy better than anyone? Do you think he would agree?
- How do you show him how well you understand him?
- How does understanding each other help you deal with conflict and disagreements?
- How do you go about understanding him better? Do you go to an outside expert, or do you listen and pay attention to him?
P.S. Truly “getting” your guy is the 3rd stage of Hannah Jackson’s Deep Attachment Sequence. Her ‘Ultra-Bonding’ strategy is a way of subtly yet powerfully showing a man that you GET him and that it’s safe to just be himself around you. Find out how to use it here.
Let us know what you think!