Why do guys ghost?
The short answer is smartphones.
Smartphones are changing culture. We treat people differently when we’re interacting digitally. We type things we’d never say face-to-face. We forget there’s a real human being behind there.
Because we’re so used to looking at our phones, we’ve begun to lose our taste for the messiness of real human interaction. We flirt by text. We break up by text. We don’t ever have to deal with the discomfort of watching a person break down in front of us.
Relationships take a hit when you spend more time texting than talking. You’re just another source of dopamine-boosting notifications on his phone. You’re not really REAL. He doesn’t feel responsible for your emotions.
Which makes it super-easy for him to put you out of his mind. He just stops texting you. If you’re not popping up on his phone, you don’t exist.
Culture isn’t going to change. But you can “ghost-proof” your relationships by rethinking your boundaries around how much you text vs. see each other in person. This can help.
This is SO true about smartphones. They are “changing our culture”, as the brilliant author said. I’ve never thought about my cell phone in quite such an “unusual” way! My beloved smartphone is subtlety “undermining” my relationships!! How dare this inanimate object or animate “object” aka my phone, take such control of my life!! Really, I am a person who actually enjoys talking on the landline house phone; but also, I’m “addicted” to texting!! This short but very insightful article is a “wake-up” call, people!! Unfortunately, at this point in my life, my husband and I are texting more than we are actually talking on the phone!! Later on today or at least, in the very near future, he is going to hear that “old” familiar “ring” of his smartphone; and he’s going to love me even more!! Texting may have “run its course”! Let’s get back to our “old-fashioned” talking!! Like a tall, cool and crisp glass of “refreshing” lemonade on a lovely wrap-around front porch with a tire swing, swaying in the backdrop, maybe a nice, long phone call will take us back to a “better” time, where the lemon bars are delightfully homemade!! Yes, please!
Very true, Stephanie! I’ll leave you with this quote from a 2014 study: “When the primary communication between two partners is texting, they are essentially in a relationship with an electronic device…. Very likely it reduces feelings of love, connectedness, and closeness while increases miscommunication and misunderstanding.”