What Men REALLY Want

It’s all David Buss’ fault.

David Buss is an evolutionary psychologist who popularized the theory that evolution drives mate preference.

You know the one. Women seek high-status men with resources because these men will support their children. Men seek a variety of young and healthy partners, because that will maximize their offspring.

The problem is…

That theory doesn’t hold water.

Researchers are now finding that social and cultural norms play a huge role in mate selection, one that outweighs any supposed “biological differences.”

When you control for cultural norms, you find that women have just as many partners as men. They agree to casual intimacy just as readily as men. And they’re more interested in a variety of men—IF they’re the ones doing the approaching.^[1]

So be on the lookout. If someone tells you that men are biologically programmed to want certain things, what they mean is that men are culturally influenced to have certain preferences…

And culture can be changed.

Why does this matter? Who cares whether men are biologically programmed or culturally influenced to find certain things attractive?

You do!

If you believe that all men are the same…

And they’re biologically programmed to want a certain type of woman (one who’s young, fertile, curvaceous, and feminine)…

Then your only hope of attracting a man is to match that type.

What if you’re not young? What if you’re straight as a stick? What if you’re a tomboy rather than a girly girl?

Does that mean a man would have to overrule his biologically programming to fall in love with you?

No!

Because biological programming is B.S.

Our mate preferences are driven by our culture and our personal preferences. We all have our own idiosyncratic love map, which is a kind of sexual template we develop at a very young age.

Which is why almost ALL of us find a mate. There are men out there who want exactly what we’ve got to offer, no matter how far we deviate from the feminine norm.

So don’t buy into the idea that all men want the same thing, especially when that “thing” is the way a woman looks.

Most men are attracted to a wide range of body types.

Most men end up marrying, which means that a committed long-term relationship appeals to them as much as it does to us.

Some men are heavily influenced by the cultural ideal of having a buxom blond babe on their arm, certainly.

But most men just want someone they resonate with. Someone they connect with. Someone who makes them feel good.

And that woman might very well be you.

[1] https://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/13/opinion/sunday/darwin-was-wrong-about-dating.html