We Are Most Attracted To People Who…

In the 20th Century:
Attractiveness is objective.

In the 21st Century:
Attraction is subjective.

Line up a group of men in a row.

Get your girlfriends together and hand each one of them a ratings card.

Rate each man’s attractiveness on a scale of 1 to 10, then share your results.

Did you all agree on which men are the most attractive?

Not long ago, we would have predicted that the answer would be yes. Attractiveness is objective. A man with a symmetrical face, chiseled cheekbones, and piercing eyes is handsome in a way that a softer man is not.

Men believe this, too. They’re increasingly body conscious, believing that their chances of getting a girlfriend depend on defined muscles. They’re even getting plastic surgery to sculpt their faces, inspired by the looksmaxxing trend on TikTok.

But now let’s add a twist.

Now that we’ve rated these men by attractiveness, let’s look at them again. This time, ask yourself:

If you had to spend the next year in a relationship with one of these men, which man would you choose?

Do you think all your girlfriends will choose the same man as you?

As soon as we switch our focus from appreciating his physique to evaluating him as a romantic partner, we look for different qualities.

We look for kind eyes. We look for a friendly smile. We look for some evidence that we’ll get along.

Science has discovered that we feel most drawn towards people who (1) are similar to us, (2) we see often, and (3) have shared something vulnerable with us.

A man who wouldn’t turn heads might seem incredibly handsome to you, because you know things about him that others don’t know.

You know his secret hopes and fears. You know what makes him light up.

(And if you’re the person who makes him light up, you’re a goner. 😉)

If attraction works like that for you, what makes you think it doesn’t work that way for him?

You know what I think?

Making attraction all about looks makes a lot of money for a LOT of people.

But happy husbands know their wife is the most beautiful woman in the world, even if no one else can see it.

Don’t think so little of men that you assume they wouldn’t be attracted to you.

P.S. Is anxiety tripping you up when it comes to dating?

Find out what’s behind it and get tips to stay confident even while your mind is running wild.