If you’re like most women, you probably have a long to-do list to help you stay organized and on track with what needs your attention.
As helpful as our to-do lists can be, they are often and easily used as a distraction from working on what really matters.
I once had a woman tell me that, after many arguments with her husband about not feeling like a priority in his life, he shouted, “Just do you!” then left.
She admitted that she didn’t know how to ‘do’ herself. She was so used to taking care of everyone else that the idea of making herself a priority seemed foreign.
And the fact that her husband had no problem making himself a priority made it feel even worse.
The truth is, if you’re struggling in your romantic relationship AND not making yourself a priority, you’re adding unnecessary stress to an already stressful situation.
But wait a minute…
Doesn’t that seem selfish?
If you’re supposed to be working on your relationship with your partner…
Why would you make yourself a priority?
It’s Not Selfish to Make Your Happiness a Priority
Inspirational author Mandy Hale said:
“It’s not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself and to make your happiness a priority. It’s necessary.”
Why is it necessary?
Because the commitment you make to having a better relationship with yourself automatically influences the commitment and quality in ALL of your relationships.
When you’re in touch with yourself, you feel more clarity and peace of mind. It’s easier to connect with others.
When it comes to romantic relationships, most women have no problem saying they’re committed to loving their partner. They will even make self-sacrificing a way of life to stay true to that commitment.
But if you don’t have a healthy and loving relationship with yourself, how can you have a healthy and loving relationship with others?
And if you continually abandon yourself in your commitment to others, how can you not feel abandoned?
This was one of my biggest life lessons. And Dr. Christiane Northrup was the one who drove it home for me.
Commitment vs. Abandonment
Dr. Northrup is a leading authority in the field of women’s health and wellness. She has authored many books on how to heal from within using the wisdom of our bodies, our emotions, our cycles, the cycles of nature, and so forth.
At one of her live presentations in 2015, I heard her say that the healing field for abandonment is commitment.
I wrote it down and thought, “That sounds nice.”
It wasn’t until later that night that I made a connection to how I had a pattern of abandoning myself.
It may not have been intentional, but every time I made a commitment to myself—such as following through on improving my relationships, an exercise routine, or eating healthier foods—and then backed out of it, I was abandoning myself.
The same goes for you and everyone else.
Obviously, if unforeseen circumstances arise, such as an unexpected illness or accident, you can’t control that.
But applying this awareness will help you stay true to the commitments you make to yourself.
Put Your Own Oxygen Mask on First
When you consistently commit to having a healthier relationship with yourself, you’ll feel stronger and more prepared to handle issues of unresolved conflict that come up in other relationships.
Now, I’m not saying to make yourself the only priority.
I’m saying that in order to show up as your best self—in ANY situation—you need to make sure you’re taking caring of your self.
This is why you’re told to put your own oxygen mask on first, before aiding those who need help, every time you get on a plane.
If you can’t breathe, how can you help others?
When your partner or other people in your life are struggling, I understand the difficulty in not putting their needs ahead of yours. You care about them, and you want to help.
But if you start neglecting your own needs to take care of theirs, you compromise your own self-care. Then you have two people struggling, which does nothing to help the situation!
Put Yourself at the Top of Your List
So, the next time you update your to-do list, put yourself at the top.
Do you first, and the rest will fall into place.
If you’ve lost touch with what makes you happy, start with making a list of your core values. Do a Google search for ‘how to create your core values list,’, and you’ll find a number of different exercises that can help you.
Once you’re clear on your core values, prioritize a list of self-care to-do’s that are in accordance with your top 5 core values. Have this list take precedence when scheduling your time. If something comes up that’s not a priority, consider it a distraction.
This isn’t about separating yourself from your partner and others in times of difficulty.
This is about staying connected to your heart, no matter what you’re going through … and especially in times of difficulty.
One step at a time, one day at a time, start making yourself a priority in your life.
You more than anyone else are worthy of your own love.
Want to learn more?
Watch Catherine’s interview with Your Brilliance where she shares tips on how to have that tough conversation with him and get the clarity you need to make a decision.