It is hard to feel sexy when you’re just not feeling it anymore.
You’re tired, you’re run down, you’re busy. Sexiness is the LAST thing on your mind.
You’ve passed the stage in life where you could shake your booty and not worry that anyone’s watching.
No one wants to see you in a sexy crop top and short skirt – not even yourself!
Being sexy is at the bottom of your priority list…
But should it be?
This week’s guest Dr. Rebecca Rosenblat is passionate about helping women stay connected to their sexuality, no matter their age.
She practices what she preaches. She lives her life out loud, writing saucy novels, dishing sex advice on Rebecca TV, and refusing to dampen her sexy vibes.
In this week’s YBTV interview, Dr. Rebecca shares tips on how to feel sexy at any age.
You’ll discover why sexiness has nothing to do with your body type, how you can step into your sexiness even if sexy is the last thing you feel, and a SUPER-secret tip that will have men hot with desire for you.
This interview discusses explicit topics. Viewer discretion is advised.
What You’ll Learn
Dr. Rebecca is a clinical sexologist, registered psychotherapist, certified addiction and trauma counselor, sex therapist, life coach, educator…
So why is she writing saucy fiction?
“We’re not allowed to share certain things about ourselves,” she says, “so part of it just stays in our head as a fantasy, something that we dream about.”
Her novels, including Mid Rift, about the sex lives of a group of friends in midlife, explore those fantasies and feelings. Fiction puts you right in the middle of the story, unlike clinical research, which engages a different part of the brain.
Not that Dr. Rebecca doesn’t write how-to guides as well.
Her book Sexual Power: You’ve Got It – Now Use It offers practical tips for women to embrace and flaunt their sexuality at any age.
Dr. Rebecca knows her stuff. At her private practice in Toronto, she sees clients struggling with relationships, sex, self-esteem, trauma, and more.
She even offers therapy in Hindi and Urdu to support South Asian clients.
But “no matter which part of the world you look at,” she says, “women are expected to be sexy.”
That expectation is universal, laid down in our biology.
According to the work of evolutionary psychologist Dr. David Buss, she explains, “our brains are programmed for women to be drawn to success objects and men to be drawn to sex objects.”
Because Mother Nature has one agenda:
To get us making love, so that we’ll raise children who’ll survive and continue our species.
Sexiness is a Choice
But maybe you’re not at the stage where you’re concerned with making babies. You don’t need to act sexy to attract a mate.
Does that mean you should pass on feeling sexy?
Not at all, says Dr. Rebecca.
“I feel that it’s a choice we have to make,” she says. “Sexiness is a mindset. It’s not a body type.”
If you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see, you can find yourself believing that you’re not supposed to be sexy.
Ironically, one of the best ways of remedying that is to have more sex.
Sex is “one of the best ways of staying young,” Dr. Rebecca explains. “It has great anti-aging properties.”
Even though the media presents sexiness in a very specific visual way—the sexy young creature pouting at the camera, displaying her perfect curves—you don’t have to buy it.
“Whether it’s media or your partner or your girlfriends, don’t let anyone tell you what’s sexy,” Dr. Rebecca says.
“You put yourself in the driver’s seat, and you drive.”
Sexy Confidence Comes with Age
What’s sexy is your mindset, and that’s where those of us with life experience under our belt have a huge advantage over younger girls.
“Younger girls got nothing on us, because younger girls can be a little bit insecure,” she confides. “But as we get older, we have more confidence.”
“With an older woman,” she adds, “there’s adventure, there’s excitement, there’s experience. So you engage the mind in a really delicious way, and when you do that, the person leaves a lasting impression.”
Dr. Rebecca gives workshops in the Toronto area on the topic of sensuality and sexuality, and she finds that “it’s the older females that come up with all the juicy questions. The younger girls are a little bit scared to ask certain things.”
She finds that her older workshop attendees are more curious. “They’ve given themselves the permission to try something spicier. Some of them are going second or third time around, so they want to keep it really hot and sexy.”
Even if you can’t make it to one of her workshops in person, Dr. Rebecca will be offering an online version of these workshops soon. Check out her website for more details.
How to Feel Sexy
When you’re ready to start taking baby steps to feel sexier in your own skin, Dr. Rebecca has some tips for you.
Her first tip is to make sure that you’re doing this for YOU.
“I believe in doing whatever it takes to make us feel sexy, not someone else,” she says.
She recommends exploring your sensuality through your senses: through luxurious baths, rich lotions, fragrant scents, and sensual sounds.
This works better than affirmations, because “we can tell ourselves we’re sexy, but the subconscious doesn’t hear it. It has to perceive the world through the senses.”
Look at the way your clothes make you feel, and get rid of anything that doesn’t make you feel sexy.
Focus on how you want to feel, even if you’re not feeling it in the moment.
A Super-Secret Sexy Trick
She also shares a naughty tip to use your own natural pheromones to enhance your sexy vibes. (Watch here for the full explanation!)
She tested the power of these pheromones by running an experiment.
She and a group of girlfriends went out two nights in a row to the same club, where the same group of guys hung out.
Dr. Rebecca and her friends made sure they looked exactly the same on both nights, down to the same shade of lipstick.
But there was one difference. On the second outing, they tried the pheromone trick.
It was like night and day.
With the pheromones, the guys who’d ignored them the previous night were buying them drinks and asking them to dance.
“All the women who’ve tried that have said that they’ve had such amazing results,” Dr. Rebecca says. “It’s opened up a whole sexual side and the responsiveness that they thought they’d lost.”
So try it if you dare!
Use It or Lose It
When you haven’t been with a partner in a long time, it can feel as if your sexuality goes dormant.
“If you don’t use it, you lose it,” Dr. Rebecca says.
She explains that “the more sex we have, the more we want it. The less we have, the less we crave it.”
Her recommendation is, “whether you’re with a partner or not, just stay in the game. Experience your sensuality.”
She adds that she’s “a firm believer in menage a moi, self-loving.”
Self-loving helps arouse desire, which can be elusive as women grow older.
If women wait to feel desire before they have sex, they may never have it. Sometimes, they need to take matters into their own hands and arouse the body for desire to kick in.
“An orgasm is not given; it’s taken,” she says.
“So when someone says, ‘My partner doesn’t give me an orgasm,’ I say, ‘What do you mean, they don’t give you? You take an orgasm. You take charge. You show them. You teach them.”
Get More “Sexy at Any Age” Tips
If you’re ready to learn more, then you’ll be thrilled to discover what Dr. Rebecca has to offer us.
She’s created a special free webinar JUST for us here at Your Brilliance.
It’s called “Sexy At Any Age,” and it’s full of exercises to help awaken your sensuality and body awareness.
At the end of the day, the idea is to feel sexy, to own our sensuality, and let no one tell us that we’re not sexy. We’re not giving that power away!”
Dr. Rebecca Rosenblat
Dr. Rebecca is a clinical sexologist, registered psychotherapist, certified addiction and trauma counselor, sex therapist, life coach and educator. She’s critically acclaimed as one of Canada’s leading influencers. Dr. Rebecca has reached millions as a host of 7 TV show and 2 radio shows; author of 9 books and hundreds of advice columns and articles; and as a workshop leader and keynote speaker at hundreds of events. Beyond that, she’s a clinical associate and private practitioner in the Greater Toronto Area, dedicated to helping people heal and grow. Find out how you can work with Dr. Rebecca.