Is Your Relationship Built to Weather the Storm?

In the 20th Century:
You know you’re good together if you hardly ever fight.

In the 21st Century:
You know you’re good together if you can handle each other’s emotions.

If I asked you to envision the worst possible couple…

You’d probably think of an angry couple in the midst of a horrible argument.

Everyone hates fighting.

Everyone knows that fighting is what ends relationships.

The secret to happiness is to find a person you get along with so well that you rarely have anything to fight about.

That’s what we used to think.

Not anymore.

Today, we know that conflict and disagreements are red herrings.

They misdirect us.

They lead us to believe that the problem with our relationship is money or chores or responsibility or reliability.

Whereas, in fact, the problem is what we do when one or both of us is distressed.

How we handle each other’s nervous systems makes a relationship heaven or hell.

What you do with each other’s happiness, anger, stress, and grief tells the deepest part of you that you are safe and held, or alone and unmoored.

New forms of therapy such as Stan Tatkin’s PACT (Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy) and Sue Johnson’s Hold Me Tight therapy help couples become each other’s anchor in the storm.

Questions to consider:

• Does my partner abandon me when I show difficult emotions?
• Is my happiness amplified when I share it with my partner?
• If emotions make us vulnerable, is our relationship a safe place for vulnerability?

P.S. Handling each other’s moods is hard. But this minicourse can get you started.

• Unlock the hidden power of your heartbeat to instantly calm your partner’s stress
• Discover the one thing happiest couples are “stuck” with (it’s not what you think!)
• The weird way just holding hands can help you conquer pain and suffering as a couple

Get started on your happy-ever-after.