Meet Your Soulmate – with Mat Shaffer

Every time you meet a guy, you hope for it.

That magical spark.

That deep connection.

That feeling you’ve known him before in another life.

Instead, you spend the evening searching for things to say to this guy who’s nothing like you.

When will you meet your forever person?

When will you meet your soulmate?

One thing is for certain…

Love is too important to settle for a half-interested guy.

You owe it to yourself to do everything in your power to attract a deeper, more powerful love.

And this week’s guest will help you do that!

Mat Shaffer is an intuitive dating coach who helps women create beautiful, soulful relationships with men who adore them.

He’s going to be telling us how to attract a soulmate connection.

Not Just a Boyfriend – A Soulmate

If you are consciously open to connection, you can meet your person literally anywhere.”

These days, we dream less of getting married than we do of finding a soulmate.

We’ve all seen married couples who seem tired and and resigned. We want more than that for ourselves.

We want a deep, soulful, loving connection.

As dating coach Mat Shaffer explains, people today are craving depth of connection. They want to be seen at their deepest level by their partner. They want a partner who helps them become the very best version of themselves.

But can they find a soulmate by swiping right?

Start Where You Are

Before you jump ahead to finding out where your future soulmate is hiding, you need to prepare the ground first.

You need to ask yourself whether you’ve developed your own soul connection with yourself.

Mat encourages us to ask, “How connected are we? How much awareness and how much love and appreciation and understanding do we have of who we are?”

Because if you haven’t done your own inner work, you’re not going to be showing up as a full authentic expression of who you are.

“Every relationship and dynamic and pattern that you create with another person is going to be a reflection of the degree to which you’ve done your healing work,” Mat explains.

When he works with clients, he helps them examine their patterns in order to “release and heal and let go of all the junk that we’ve been projecting unconsciously into our relationships in the past, so we can have better relationships moving forward.”

Open to Connection

At the end of the day, I don’t care if it’s a dating app, a bar, a meetup, a grocery store, or you’re just walking down the street. Every container that you enter is an opportunity to meet an incredible human being if you’ve done your work, you’re showing up as your authentic self, and you are … demonstrating that you’re open to connection.”

Doing your inner work is not enough.

You also have to be open to connection.

Being open to connection is not the same thing as being open to a relationship.

Most women want a relationship, and if they feel that a relationship is not on the table, they don’t want to waste time on a mere “connection.”

They take an outcome-based approach to dating. Their entire goal is to find that man who will be their future husband.

Not only does that weigh down their encounters with a ton of pressure, but it also keeps them from being in the moment with another human being.

Mat sees dating as a “process of connecting with and experiencing connection with other human beings.”

It’s a dance between the masculine and the feminine. It’s a practice.

When you are with a man, ask yourself: “What am I experiencing with this human in this moment right now? How present can I be? How activating and fun and inviting can I be in this moment?”

When you see dating as a process, it “stops being work, and it starts being play.”

“And when dating becomes play,” Mat adds, “trust me, you become a lot more attractive to the men that you actually want to bring into your life.”

Picking The Right Guy

Your job isn’t just to show up in the moment as your full authentic self.

It’s also to evaluate the man you’re with.

Is his energy in alignment with yours? Is what he’s offering you compatible with your vision for what you want in a relationship?

“It’s not your job to force anyone to be your person,” Mat says. “It’s your responsibility to just be a witness to how they’re showing up and how you’re feeling in your connection with them.”

Having that clear vision for what you want to experience in a relationship can help you spot your soulmate so much faster.

You’re not repeating old patterns. You’re reaching for something new.

Look Into the Past to Free the Present

Creating that new vision is important because most of us have a view of relationships that isn’t serving us.

We have old beliefs from the way we grew up and the experiences we’ve had. Those beliefs have guided us to where we are now.

And if we’re feeling stuck and frustrated, the problem isn’t “out there.” It’s in here.

It’s the outdated beliefs that are controlling our love life like invisible guiderails.

“Whether you’re conscious of it or not, you have patterns that have most likely been sabotaging your past relationships,” Mat says, “either through attracting the wrong person, or by attracting a great person but then blowing up the relationship in one way or another, or pushing that person away because maybe you don’t really believe that you’re worthy of that relationship.”

Mat helps women uncover and explore those beliefs. He helps women shift their beliefs about the type of relationship they’re worthy of.

He finds that many women have “a deep foundational worthiness issue,” and once they let go of it, “everything shifts dramatically.”

No matter what you have experienced in your life, no matter how long it’s been since you’ve been in a healthy relationship, no matter how powerless or despairing you may feel right now, I promise you: if you commit to doing this work, if you commit to showing up, if you commit to being open and vulnerable and being willing to be open to change occurring in your life, you can heal. You can grow. You can let go of what may feel so heavy that it’s like choking you. You can put it down, and you can move forward into a beautiful new reality, a beautiful new future.”