You spend all this effort getting dressed up and going out … only to spend the entire night talking with your girlfriends.
You LOVE your girlfriends, but surely part of the magic of going out is meeting someone new! It’s a waste of an evening if you haven’t talked to a single guy.
Wouldn’t it be great if, the next time you go out, you could do a few simple things that would maximize your chances of getting approached by an attractive stranger?
If you follow the advice in this week’s YBTV interview, you can.
We talk to Marni Kinrys of The Wing Girl Method about what makes men approach one woman and not the other.
Marni used to go out with guys and help them develop the courage and skills to meet women. Now, she helps women become the kind of woman who gets approached. She shares with us some tips from her book That’s Not How Men Work: The Simple Guide to Meeting Men, Dating Men, and Making Every Man in the Room Want You.
What You’ll Learn
Marni knows better than most women what men want. For over a decade, she’s been helping men find love as a “wing girl.”
What’s a wing girl? Marni explains:
I help [men] understand women—where women are coming from, what they’re saying, decoding their words, decoding their signs, decoding their actions—but ultimately what I end up doing is helping men learn how to see themselves as attractive men that can have options with the women they want without being a jerk.”
Hold on – men need to see themselves as attractive people with options?
Yep. Marni explains that it’s just as hard—if not harder—for men to meet a woman as it is for women to meet a man.
Guys often tell her, “Do you know easy women have it? They just sit back and relax, and I have to do all this work and be gutsy and [get rejected]!”
Marni works with “hundreds of thousands of men who are freaking amazing—super-successful, so assertive in their day-to-day lives—but when it comes to women, they just have all these mixed messages and fears.”
What exactly are men afraid of?
They’re “fearful of being labeled as disrespectful or creepy or assaulters, and they’re getting mixed messages from so many people about what’s wrong and what’s right.”
Marni adds, “Most of them want a 100% assurance that that woman actually wants to be approached.”
When a woman dresses up and goes out, she assumes that men automatically know she’s open to meeting someone. But that’s not always the case.
“Some of the difficulty with women is that we’re extremely subtle, so some of our subtle signals may not exactly be resonating with men,” Marni says. “Great guys are too scared, and great women are being too subtle.”
Which means, if you’re going out and not getting much attention from men, it may have nothing to do with how you look and everything to do with the signs you’re NOT sending.
Men are looking for very clear signs that a woman wants him to approach her. “So smile [or] twirl your hair. You could even signal and say, ‘Come over here….‘ Or you can simply just start a conversation … by saying, ‘Hey, my name is Marni. What’s yours?'”
She encourages women to make it easy for men who come up and talk to them. The first 3 minutes is often hardest for men, so give them reassurance that “what they’re doing is being accepted and it’s resonating with you.”
But what if that cute guy across the room hasn’t noticed you yet? What can you do to get him talking to you?
The easy answer is to go over and start talking to him. But how do you do that without making a fool out of yourself if he’s not single or interested?
Marni has a risk-free method for starting conversations: OSA, which stands for Observe, Share, and Ask. Here’s how it works…
Make an observation like, “Hey, those shoes are great!”
Tell him why you made that observation—because, say, you’ve been looking at getting shoes like that for your father.
Hand it over to him with a question like, “Where did you get them?”
Then pay attention to how he responds. If he’s interested in talking to you, he’ll appreciate your opening. If he’s not, you can simply move on after he answers.
When you start a conversation with a man, “you’re basically giving [him] confirmation that it’s okay to flirt with you or it’s okay to ask you for your number.”
Marni has a lot more tips and techniques in her book That’s Not How Men Work: The Simple Guide to Meeting Men, Dating Men, and Making Every Man in the Room Want You.
She wrote the book after she found herself overhearing conversations her girlfriends were having about men. She’d interrupt them, saying, “Yeah, but that’s not how men work!” It would be nice if men thought like women and acted like women, but they don’t.
And women can “help a brother out” by making it easy for him to come up to her and start a conversation.
How do you think you might put Marni’s tips into action the next time you go out? Let us know in the comments!
Jump to Topics of Interest
2:53 What is a wing girl?
3:43 Men think women have it easy
4:15 Men feel most confident approaching women who are showing signs they want to be approached
5:54 How women can encourage men to approach them
7:23 Men are attracted to women who pique their interest on a physical and energetic level
8:45 Why men can feel intimidated by us
9:44 Playful ways you can open up a conversation
11:11 Can you mention marriage?
12:25 OSA: Observe, share, ask
17:12 Marni’s book That’s Not How Men Work
18:28 Men WANT to know how to approach women
20:12 You can only get what you want by asking for it
Marni the founder of The Wing Girl Method. She used to go out with guys and help them develop the courage and skills to approach women. Today, she also helps women become the kind of woman who gets approached. She’s the author of That’s Not How Men Work: The Simple Guide to Meeting Men, Dating Men, and Making Every Man in the Room Want You.