Guys Don’t Want a Relationship (Do They?)

You know it’s true…

Men run a mile from commitment.

They see relationships as a prison.

You’ve got to make a man put a ring on it.

So what do you make of this?

• 55% of men want to get married someday, compared to 50% of women.
• Most divorced men want to get married again, compared to less than half of divorced women.
• 69% of singles are looking for something serious.

There’s more to the story we’ve been told. Today, men and women feel much the same about commitment and marriage—and that’s good news for ALL of us.

Marriage-Minded Men

There are about 2 ¼ million marriages a year in the United States…

And most of those marriages are women marrying men who proposed to them.

Are we supposed to believe that all of these women strong-armed men into marrying them?

The myth that women have to trick men into putting a ring on it is at odds with reality. Historically, women weren’t allowed to remain single, even if they wanted to. Rings were being forced onto their fingers.

We are incredibly lucky to live in a time where marriage is a personal choice.

Marriage is actually a better deal for men than it is for women. Married men of all stripes are wealthier, healthier, and happier. Women, on the other hand, are far worse off in a bad marriage than they would have been if they’d remained single.

Marriage isn’t as important for women today as it was before we gained the right to equal pay and equal access to credit. We can live on our own. And many of us are choosing to.

Over half of divorced women don’t want to marry again, while most divorced men (70%) want to remarry. Young women are no longer jumping to walk down the aisle right out of college; they want to get established in their careers first, just like young men.

Today, men and women think a lot alike when it comes to marriage. They want to get married someday, but they want it to be with the right person, and they want the timing to be right.

Dating Gets Confusing

Unfortunately, those old gender stereotypes are very much at the forefront when we date.

He assumes you want something serious because “all women want something serious.” You assume he’s going to avoid committing because “all men are commitment-phobes.”

So you start the relationship at odds. You don’t talk about what you want. You assume. And that creates conflict.

He may be desperately falling for you, but he’s influenced by the stereotype that real men are supposed to play the field, and he’s getting pressure from his buddies not to settle down so fast.

You may not want things to be serious, but your parents and girlfriends pressure you into asking for more.

Maybe you’re both falling for each other, but you think you have to force commitment because it won’t unfold naturally. So you use old-fashioned tricks like making him jealous or not being so available. He sees what you’re doing and pulls away, because no guy wants to be manipulated.

You’re both stuck.

The way to get out of it is to assume that deep down you both want similar things.

You want a fulfilling and satisfying relationship with the right person.

But you may not be the right person for each other, or the timing may not be right. That’s what you’re dating to figure out.

What have been your best relationships: those where you’ve had to make the guy commit, or those where commitment has just happened? Let us know in the comments!