Do you think that love should be like a fairy tale?
Do you imagine yourself falling in love just like the heroine of your favorite romance?
Would you feel embarrassed telling people that you met your boyfriend on Tinder or at a barbecue, because it’s just so unromantic?
Then you need to meet author and dating coach Crista Beck!
Crista Beck deals in fairy tales.
But instead of creating them, she challenges them.
You don’t have to fall in love at a ball like Cinderella. Scrubbing floors in the forest may have worked for Snow White, but it probably won’t work for you.
That’s because love is different in the 21st century…
And outdated techniques like waiting for your prince to find you might leave you waiting forever.
In this week’s YBTV interview, you’ll discover what it means to “break the glass slipper,” where Disney and Hollywood got it wrong, how you can be the CEO of your love life, and why taking the reins in love is still absolutely, gorgeously feminine.
And you’ll also get a chance to take a “dating IQ test” to find out where you’re struggling in love!
What You’ll Learn
How many Disney movies and romantic comedies have you watched over your lifetime?
If you’re the average person, you’ll watch over 5,000 movies in your lifetime.
And those movies will shape your views on everything from how love is supposed to happen to whom it’s supposed to happen to.
Because we’ve watched so many Disney movies, because we’ve watched so many rom-coms, we have this expectation that love’s supposed to happen [very fast], that love’s supposed to be this magical spark moment where you’re supposed to see the birds and the butterflies and you just feel the sparks…”
And if you DON’T feel those sparks ignite…
If there’s NOT an instant sense of connection…
Then you keep searching, convinced you’ll recognize your true prince at first sight.
That’s a problem, says dating coach Crista Beck.
“I find that very successful, accomplished women unconsciously believe in these fairy tales,” she explains.
And she’s on a mission to change that.
Why Won’t Love Happen to Me?
Even though we like to see ourselves as critical thinkers who know that what we watch is fiction, not fact, these subliminal messages shape us more than we realize.
We expect love to happen to us.
We wait for love to bump into us on the street or hear us when we’re singing in the forest. 😉
As a dating coach, Crista often hears single women in their 30s and 40s say:
I thought love would have happened to me by now.”
Yet these women aren’t going out. They’re not going on dates. They’re not on any dating app.
“They actually think that love will magically happen, without them having to do any work,” Crista says.
It’s not their fault, she adds. They’ve been taught that this is how it’s supposed to happen.
That’s where Crista comes in.
She helps smart, successful women become the CEO of their love lives.
If you had to hire the perfect person for your team, you wouldn’t wait for applications to come in and trust your intuition to recognize the right candidate.
You’d vet applicants. You’d interview them. You’d make sure they had the qualifications for the job.
Which doesn’t sound very romantic, does it?
Where’s the Romance?
Slogging away for hours on Match.com doesn’t sound like the beginning to a promising love story.
Surely you’re supposed to lock eyes across a crowded room?
“Here’s the thing: love at first sight is the exception, not the rule,” Crista says.
Most people end up meeting their future spouse without realizing that true love is about to unfold.
They hang out, they go on a few dates, they develop a connection, and over time “it actually evolves into something really romantic and beautiful.”
They have the rest of their lives to enjoy those romantic moments. It’s okay if the beginning didn’t fit the template of a Hollywood rom-com.
Crista encourages women to “just have the intention that you want to attract romance into your life.”
Instead of putting pressure on yourself to be the star of a Hollywood-worthy love story, think a few decades into the future.
Is this someone you’ll still swoon over once you’re an old married couple?
That future-thinking perspective helps you avoid getting swept up by a smooth-talking charmer.
Often, instant romantic connection is “based on chemistry, and not alignment with values and goals and dreams for the future,” Crista says.
Wanting those sparks to fly at first sight can lead you straight into the arms of a player.
[Women] are just so wrapped up in the chemistry and the fairy tale that they make poor choices. No wonder why we have all these divorces, because people are making the most important decision of their lives based on a fairy tale and not grounded in reality.”
Break The Glass Slipper
Crista draws attention to the dangers of fairy tale love in her Amazon bestselling book and audiobook, Break The Glass Slipper: Free Yourself of Fairy Tale Fantasies and Find True Love in Real Life.
The glass slipper refers to the story of Cinderella, who famously fell in love at first sight at a ball, then waited for her prince to find her.
Crista wouldn’t advise her clients to model themselves on Cinderella’s story.
My perspective is that in order to attract a really healthy long-term love, based in reality, that actually can be fulfilling for you in the long run, you need to break your own glass slippers. You need to break these fantasies.”
In her book Crista deconstructs the top 10 fairy tale stories that she keeps hearing again and again from her clients.
“You need to be grounded in reality,” she says. When you meet a man, look at how he shows up, not his potential.
You’ve got to do your own inner work, too, she adds.
You’ve got to know who you are and what you want and what your values are and what’s non-negotiable for you.
“You are the ruler of your love life,” Crista says, but you still get to be “feminine and beautiful as you’re sorting and choosing.”
Don’t Men Want a Cinderella?
Yet many of us have been trained to believe that men want princesses, not CEOs.
If we take the reins of our love life, won’t we scare off men?
Crista advises men as well as women in love, and she finds that the successful men who come to her “want a strong woman. They want a woman that has her act together, who’s successful in her own right. But, yes, they do want a woman who embodies her femininity.”
Luckily, being a feminine woman is easy.
It’s not about, ‘Should we be feminine?’ It’s, ‘We ARE feminine!'”
As long as you feel feminine and you relax into your femininity, whatever that feels like for you, then you will convey that femininity to men.
What’s Your Dating IQ?
Crista is offering a dating IQ quiz to help you understand why you’re succeeding or struggling in love.
Don’t be worried if your results aren’t what you expected. They’re not set in stone.
They’re an opportunity to reflect on what you thought you knew and uncover some areas where you might learn and grow.
Crista also works with clients one-on-one to help them dissolve their blocks to love and attract abundance in their love life.
Crista Beck has spent the past 11+ years helping single people find love as a dating coach and matchmaker. She has been featured on ABC, NBC, FOX, and TEDx. Her message has been heard by over a million people globally. With over 20,000 hours of meditation, as well as an award winning violinist, Crista believes in the power of REAL LOVE and its ability to change the world. Find out how you can work with Crista.