In the past few years, I’ve noticed something unsettling.
As bad as the gender wars were when I started my career, they’ve somehow gotten worse.
Social media is a battlefield—men complaining about women, women complaining about men.
It’s exhausting, and it’s heartbreaking.
Thirty years ago, Alison Armstrong dared to dream of healing the gender divide by urging women to stop speaking badly about men.
But today I wonder—was she asking for the impossible?
Doesn’t staying silent about bad behavior just let men off the hook?
It’s a fair question!
So, for the past six months, I’ve been wading knee-deep through the murky swamps of Reddit, reading thousands of posts about relationships.
I wanted to understand why men and women are so angry at each other.
At first, it felt hopeless. The resentment on both sides was overwhelming.
But then I started to see a pattern.
Men and women were complaining about the same things.
- Selfishness and immaturity
- Partners who take without giving
- Partners who only care about themselves
Both men and women are hurt by the same irresponsible, thoughtless behaviors—whether it’s men doing them or women doing them.
And then it hit me…
The real divide isn’t between men and women.
It’s between emotional responsibility and irresponsibility.
And that changes EVERYTHING.
What we’re frustrated with isn’t maleness or femaleness…
Rather, it’s immaturity and irresponsibility, no matter WHO it’s from.
Imagine standing shoulder to shoulder with men and women who care as much as you do. People who communicate clearly. Take accountability. Refuse to tolerate unhealthy relationships.
THIS is how you “win” the war.
You commit to excellence in relationships.
You join forces with every person—of every gender—who shares that same commitment.
Alison Armstrong was right to ask us to stop man-bashing. But for the WRONG reason.
This isn’t about protecting men’s feelings. It’s about being a good person.
When you’re committed to relationship excellence, you don’t trash-talk your partner behind his back.
You communicate.
You problem-solve.
And you expect him to do the same.
A man who’s committed to excellence in relationships can’t carry a chip on his shoulder about women.
He has to be responsible, too.
So I’ll leave you with this…
What if the gender wars could be solved—not by picking sides—but by joining forces with the emotionally responsible?
What if every complaint about the opposite sex was really a complaint about immaturity and irresponsibility?
What if you knew there were responsible, mature men out there, ready to stand beside you as allies?
How would that change the way you see the world?
Let us know what you think!