Learning to Put Yourself First with Hemla Makan-Dullabh (Video)

Do you find that you always put yourself last?

You spend your life making sure everyone else is happy, but no one looks out for you. You give and give and give some more, but it’s never enough.

Then this episode of YBTV is one you don’t want to miss.

Holistic mentor Hemla Makan-Dullabh, founder of the 7 Rays Holistic Center in Palo Alto, California, wants us to know it’s okay to be selfish.

It’s okay to be really good to yourself. It’s okay to take some time every day, just for you. You are valuable. You matter. And you are enough, just as you are.

Learn more about Hemla and her work at the 7 Rays Holistic Center.

What You’ll Learn

For Hemla, “selfish” is a word ripe for reclaiming.

She defines selfish as “self-is, which is preserving of the self.” She adds, “What’s wrong with preserving the self? [If you have] your gas tank full, then you have more to give to other people.”

Yet most of us wouldn’t want to be called selfish. We worry about how we’ll be seen if we prioritize ourselves over others. Hemla believes that this is a belief system that traps us in guilt.

“You need to take care of yourself in order to give back,” she says. Paradoxically, you can do more good for others if you take good care of yourself.

She urges us to adopt a daily practice where we create the time to reconnect with ourselves. “Taking care of yourself and putting yourself first doesn’t have to be something huge and grand,” she says. “It can be little gestures that make a difference.”

It’s particularly important for mothers to take that time. We teach our children by example. If we are always looking after everyone else and never looking after ourselves, our children learn that this is what mothers do. Break the cycle. Let your children see you taking a little time each day to nurture yourself.

Hemla notes that, once you make that shift, you often find your romantic relationships changing. “You’re coming from a place of strength,” she explains, “and men will then see you in a different light. There’s an attraction and sensual quality to that, because you’re owning your own power.”

Creating little rituals of self-care, whether it’s affirmations or simply taking the time to breathe, transforms you inside and out.

“It’s about going within,” she concludes, “to … anchor your energy in yourself. When you come back out of that space, you’re reflecting something else to the world, and that is radiance, beauty, strength, power, and acceptance.”

Who’d ever guess that taking care of yourself could matter even more than taking care of everyone else? The first step is value yourself, just as you are.

Jump to Topics of Interest

02:15 Why do we as women put ourselves last?
03:12 Unpacking the word “selfish”
04:44 What if making others happy makes you feel better than making yourself happy?
05:30 Self-esteem
06:26 A daily practice to reconnect with yourself
09:38 Why so many of us hope to get our needs met through others, rather than meeting them ourselves
10:41 Importance of setting an example for our children
11:36 Affirmation: “In this moment, I am valuable.”
12:40 How valuing ourselves would impact our romantic relationships
13:50 Why you should schedule self-care
15:02 How to deal with the people in our lives who are invested in us remaining selfless
19:06 Benefits of moving towards greater “self-is-ness”
20:30 Affirmation: “I am enough in this moment.”

Discover Hemla’s Work

We’re honored to have Hemla as a guest author here at Your Brilliance. Check out more of her reflections on life purpose, friendship, and surrendering.