Have You Lost Yourself in Your Longing to Be Sexy?

All women long to be admired and seen as sexy, at some point and to some degree in their life.

It starts very early in life. You see it in young girls who want to be “daddy’s girl” and the center of attention.

You see it in teens who fixate on the latest must-have clothing and accessories to fit in.

You see it in young women who obsess over how they look and attracting a man, even while consumed with college or work.

And you see it in mature actresses like Jane Fonda and Madonna, who continually strive to look younger than their age.

This is typical—natural, even—for most females.

Unfortunately, the desire to be seen by others in a particular way results in many of us stepping outside of our bodies.

How Our Bodies Become Strangers to Us

We view our body as an “other” or—worse yet—view it unrealistically or not at all.

We disconnect from our body. We become strangers to our feelings. We deny or stop hearing the messages our body is trying to send us.

And it may work … for a while.

But we can’t keep it up.

There will come a time when you will no longer be able to ignore your feelings, thoughts and emotions at the expense of your body.

You will begin to manifest symptoms of being out-of-balance.

Your physical body will get your attention through some ailment, accident or disease.

This will not necessarily be your fault. You’ve been trained to be outside your body.

Abandoning Our Bodies, Abandoning Ourselves

When you were born, your fear response was already in place.

But your ability to clearly reason and discern real danger wasn’t.

Your natural flight, fight or freeze response kicked in, and you self-abandoned for what could be a myriad of reasons, some real, some imagined.

As if this weren’t enough reason to abandon your body, advertisers and marketers want you—and ultimately your body—to feel inadequate so you’ll buy their products.

I’ve heard statistics that say we’re bombarded with anywhere from 250 to 3000 advertising images and messages every day.

No wonder we women typically stand outside of and not feel within our bodies!

Looking Good Should Feel Good

Today women are finally standing up, using their voices and proclaiming they will not be victims any longer.

This is crucial, and I applaud the #MeToo movement. It’s also imperative that we begin to learn to trust and feel safe within our bodies. After all…

Your body is your only true home.

Of course you want to look your best. However, if you’re looking your best at the expense of feeling and being your best in your “forever home,” then looking good won’t feel good.

And ultimately, when you get to be a very old woman, this will be the most important lesson you will have learned—the hard way—along this journey of your life.

Listen to Your Body

One simple thing you can start to do is be aware of what your body is saying.

Step away from the mirror and ask yourself, “How do I feel?” instead of “How do I look?”

How you feel matters more than your outward appearance.

And if you’re interested in attracting a partner, how you look matters a lot less than you think.

It’s been my experience, working with women and talking with hundreds if not thousands of men, that our partners want something else entirely.

They want us to be present, have space for them, and give them the undivided attention they crave—similar to how you really want that same undivided attention from them.

After all, isn’t that why you wanted to be admired in the first place?

Find your way back to your body, and give men what they really crave.

The gift of your presence.

Want to learn more about body love?

Watch Susan’s interview with Your Brilliance where she shares her amazing life story, as well as tips on how you can come to accept, appreciate, and embrace your body just as it is—without always feeling the need to be sexier.

Read more articles by Susan.