Difficult Relationships With Difficult Men: Part I

What do you do when all that great relationship advice doesn’t work with your particular partner?

He mocks you when you express your feelings. He refuses to try anything new. He maintains that you’re the problem, not him.

He’s the type of guy who thinks couples counseling is a joke – which is why relationship experts don’t know how to handle him.

And if you do or say the wrong thing, you can lose the relationship or make things much, much worse.

I know that more than a few of you are stuck in this impossible position.

You love him so much, but he’s so stubborn. He won’t work on the relationship, he won’t try, and he won’t change.

What do you do when relationship advice can’t help in your situation?

I’ll be giving you three questions to reflect on.

These questions will help you get clarity, leverage, and insight into what you can do next.

But Will This Fix Him??

Sadly, I don’t have a “magic bullet” that will solve all your problems. (And anyone who claims to have one is selling something.)

But what I do have is confidence in you.

I know that you have the strength and smarts to solve your situation if given the right nudge.

Change begins by planting a seed. 🌱

Is there something you’re not seeing that could, if understood, potentially change everything?

Let’s find out!

Your First Question

The first question is this:

“Does my partner intend to hurt me or make me feel bad?”

If your answer is no, you might be able to make things better.
If your answer is yes, you need to start thinking about life after him.

Here’s why…

Intention Matters

In every relationship, there will be times when we behave badly. No one is perfect. We’ve got to be able to forgive each other.

But there’s a bright line that separates thoughtless behavior from abuse, and it’s intent.

A good man who behaves thoughtlessly doesn’t intend to hurt you. The thought of hurting you makes him feel awful. He loves you; he’s trying. He would do things differently if he could, but he doesn’t have the skills. He may be a bad boyfriend, but he’s not a bad person.

But other men know exactly what they’re doing. They say what they say to put you in your place. They know they’re making you frightened or upset, and they don’t care. They’re in charge. They want you to know where you fall short, so you can make it up to them.

Still Not Sure?

If you’re not sure about your partner’s intentions, here’s a powerful clue:

Does he feel better after raging or snapping at you?

Most of us feel miserable after an argument. We feel even worse if we know we’ve said things we shouldn’t.

But an abusive man will take pleasure in saying hurtful things to you. He enjoys the high he gets from putting you in your place.

He’ll seem happy, even cheerful, after one of his outbursts.

If that sounds like your partner, then it’s time to start planning a way to leave him.

This is not a relationship that can ever be healthy. He won’t change.

In my next article, I’ll share a powerful way to get leverage in your relationship. It’s something women are typically told never to do, but I think we should make it a habit.