Why Men and Women are So Different with Barry Selby (Video)

“What do men wish women knew about them?”

I asked this question to masculinity expert Barry Selby. His answer?

“Men are not just hairy women.”

And that was just the beginning…

Barry Selby is a bestselling author, speaker and love coach who’s dedicated his life to helping women understand men.

In this episode of YBTV, he discusses why men and women can have a hard time communicating, how men came to be the way they are, the greatest strength of the feminine, and how strong confident women can succeed in their relationships.

Learn more about Barry and his “Attract the Man You Want” program

What You’ll Learn

“A lot of women don’t realize that men think differently to women,” Barry explains.

It’s almost as if we don’t use the same language. We make assumptions about what he means or what she means, and we often get it wrong.

The key to understanding men is to reflect on the difference between masculine energy and feminine energy.

“Innately, in our DNA, we have different ways of approaching things,” Barry says.

Masculine energy is more focused and directional. It seeks to close the loop and prefers yes/no answers.

Feminine energy is more open-ended. It has the ability to see many things at once. It goes deeper and can navigate many layers at once.

One example of this difference is how men and women prefer to unwind at the end of the day. When a man comes home, he needs half an hour of quiet time to chill out and relax. When a woman comes home, she wants to talk and process her day verbally. When men and women understand this difference, they can meet in the middle.

Yet each gender has its specific strengths. A strength of the masculine is his ability to put his focus on something bigger than he is. A strength of the feminine is her ability to bring people together.

“Women are the bridge builders,” Barry says. They have a powerful role in creating peace.

But sometimes the masculine and the feminine can come into conflict.

For example, what if you’re a strong, powerful woman who’s used to stepping into a masculine role at work? Men don’t always respond to a woman’s masculine energy in a constructive way. Barry encourages men to help create the space for their partners to relax back into their femininity.

What if you’re single? Can you use your feminine energy to attract a man?

Absolutely. But, when it comes to attracting the kind of man you want, don’t look out there for him. Look inside. Barry explains:

We are trained in a lot of ways to look at the world around us as being out there. But the reality is, it always starts inside.”

His Attract the Man You Want program helps women get clear about what they want and align themselves with their desires, so they can recognize the perfect man rather than having to hunt for him. As Barry says:

When you’re looking for love out there, you’re acting from a place of lack. But the reality is, you’re already whole.”

Jump to Topics of Interest

01:45 The difference between how men and women communicate
03:33 The difference between how men and women decompress at the end of the day
04:34 Why men have a hard time being appropriately supportive when their mate is upset
06:05 How to help your man understand how you want to be supported
06:45 Men are best at doing one thing at a time, not multitasking
07:44 The difference between masculine energy and feminine energy
09:12 The biggest strength of the feminine
10:10 How the masculine and feminine energies work together to create attraction
11:25 How women can bring out their feminine energy to boost attraction
13:50 When he feels like you’re “being the man” in the relationship
15:39 How to magnetically attract the man you want
17:45 Self-love mirror practice

Discover Barry’s Work

Want to learn more about men from a man’s point of view? Then check out some other videos by Barry.