by Amy Waterman
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if meeting men were easy?
And every attractive man you met asked you on a date?
And, at the end of every date, he asked when he could see you again?
You’ve probably been promised this exact scenario by a parade of books, programs, and coaching packages.
All you need to do is learn these “few simple techniques,” and your struggle will be over.
But maybe you’re like me…
You want to make your own choices.
You don’t want to feel like you’re manipulating anyone.
You want a man to fall for who you really are, rather than some woman you’re pretending to be.
If you use these tactics and he falls for you, you’ll always wonder whether it was the tactics or you he really fell for.
So you have to ask yourself the question…
Do you go ahead and use the same dating tactics as every other woman?
The tactics being taught right now to thousands of women across the world? Ones that don’t take into account your own particular challenges or anything that makes you unique?
Or do you wing it? Do you reject all those tactics and simply trust yourself?
Even though your track record hasn’t been great so far?
There is a third option. But before I tell you about it, let me share with you something I learned from Seth Godin.
Seth Godin is a marketer’s marketer. He offers his own MBA program. He’s not someone you’d ask for dating advice.
But he points out something very important.
We live in an age of industrialization.
Almost everything we buy is produced on a factory line.
It’s uniform, it’s consistent, and it’s affordable.
When you buy something made in a factory, you know exactly what to expect. Exactly what you’re going to get.
And what you’re getting is the same thing everyone else gets.
Industrialization has crept into dating, too.
It’s how dating apps work. Or online dating.
You just pick people out of a catalogue. Everyone is showcased in exactly the same way. Photo here, some text there, relevant bullet points to the side.
It’s all a system. Algorithms. There’s no human behind the screen, considering each eligible bachelor and handpicking the ones they think would best match you.
The more industrialized dating gets, the more pressure there is for uniformity. Everyone has to fit the mold.
There’s a certain “look” that’s attractive.
You’ve got to have the right facial expression. The right makeup. The right lighting.
If not, the system does not reward you. You get passed over. You don’t meet the “standard” by which everyone is uniformly measured.
So you can do one of two things:
- You can learn the system and play the game by the rules. There are plenty of books and programs that will teach you what works, statistically speaking.
- Or you can say, “Screw it,” and just do what you want.
Doing what you want is good. It keeps the control in your hands. You can be spontaneous and play it by ear.
But it’s not always very effective. Results will be hit or miss.
If you do what some dating guru tells you to do and get rejected, you can always blame your teacher. They gave you bad advice. It wasn’t your fault.
But if you show up as your best, most authentic self and get rejected, it hurts. Your tactic isn’t being rejected. You’re being rejected.
Why risk it?
Do what everyone else is doing. Play it safe. Wear the red dress, don’t talk about your ex on the first date, and wait to have sex until you’ve been seeing each other a while.
Rules keep you safe. Rules mean you both know what to expect. Rules set you up to win.
Seth suggests an alternative:
You treat every single person as an individual.
You pay attention to what he likes, what lights him up, what makes him comfortable.
You find out as much as you can about who he is, rather than treating him as “just another man” who likes the same things as all men.
And you expect the same from him.
You expect him to take the time to get to know you. Ask you questions. Notice what lights you up.
You expect him to treat you as an individual, rather than “just another woman” who likes the same things all women like.
This kind of dating takes time. It’s slow. It’s fraught with missteps.
But it frees you from having to fit yourself into the mold of every other attractive woman just to attract a man.
So does that mean you can just be yourself? Let it all hang out?
Not exactly.
You want to make an effort.
You want to meet him in the middle rather than saying, “Like me as I am, or I’m outta here.”
So this is what you do.
You follow the third path.
You don’t obey those people telling you what to wear, what to say, and what to do to drive men wild.
You don’t make it up as you go and hope for the best.
You create your own unique, customized program that makes you feel free, in control, and audaciously sexy.
That’s not as hard as it sounds.
You already have a reliable guide to being your authentic self in a way that drives men wild.
It’s called your inner bad girl.
And it’s the subject of my book, THE PLEASURE PRINCIPLE.
Your inner bad girl is the part of you guided by your own pleasure compass.
She’s naughty. She’s daring. And she speaks the truth, even when it isn’t polite.
Even if you struggle with confidence, she doesn’t. Because she wants what she wants. And she knows it when she sees it.
You heard your inner bad girl loud and clear when you were younger.
Then you grew up and learned to push your desires down, do what you were told, and hope a man would choose you from a crowd of look-alikes.
Your inner bad girl doesn’t want to wait to be noticed by Prince Charming. She just wants to play. She wants to have fun…
And having fun with friends is so much better than having fun alone.
When she meets a man, she wants to see if life becomes more fun together. If he lights her up. If hanging out unlocks pleasure for both of them.
She could care less whether he thinks she’s attractive. This isn’t about impressing anyone. It’s about enjoyment and fun and laughter.
When’s the last time you had that much fun on a date?
When’s the last time you laughed so hard with a new guy that your sides hurt?
If it was a long time ago, then your inner bad girl is in dire need of some freedom—a chance to take the wheel for a change.
Here’s the discovery that compelled me to turn my life-experiment into a book…
Following what brings you pleasure leads you to your heart’s desires.
And no one but you knows what brings you that kind of joy.
So stop following the same cookie-cutter dating advice as every other woman.
Stop allowing yourself to be treated like an interchangeable cog.
Follow your pleasure.
And he’ll be unable to resist.
To launch your own little experiment and see for yourself just how good this feels, get started right here.
