The Mean Switch Quiz

Is He Just Stressed… or Is There a Pattern You Need to See?

He can be so sweet… until he’s not.

You never know what’s going to set him off.

The guy you love is good to you. But when his temper goes, it’s like he flips a switch.

You’re left wondering…

❓ Is this normal conflict?
❓ Or is something darker going on?

Take this 2-minute quiz to find out whether your partner’s Mean Switch is part of a harmful pattern… and what you can do about it.

Instructions

For each question, choose the answer that most closely matches your experience. Be as honest as you can.

1. How does he typically react when you try to talk about something that upset you?

1. He listens and tries to understand.
2. He gets defensive but usually calms down.
3. He accuses me of attacking him or says I’m too sensitive.
4. He gets angry, shuts me down, or flips it to make me the bad guy.

2. When you cry or express emotional pain, how does he respond?

1. He comforts me and asks what I need.
2. He seems uncomfortable but stays present.
3. He gets annoyed and tells me to calm down.
4. He mocks me, withdraws affection, or tells me I’m being dramatic.

3. How often do you walk on eggshells around him?

1. Rarely or never.
2. Sometimes, especially when he’s stressed.
3. Often. I try to avoid setting him off.
4. Constantly. I’m always trying to keep the peace.

4. Have you ever changed your behavior, appearance, or opinions to avoid upsetting him?

1. No, I feel free to be myself.
2. Occasionally, to avoid small conflicts.
3. Yes, I’ve adjusted a lot just to keep him happy.
4. Yes, I barely recognize myself anymore.

5. After a conflict, who ends up comforting whom?

1. He comforts me, or we comfort each other.
2. It depends, we take turns.
3. I usually have to calm him down or apologize first.
4. I always end up comforting him, even when I’m the one who was hurt.

6. Does he ever accuse you of things that feel completely out of the blue?

1. No, that’s not something he does.
2. Once or twice, but it got cleared up.
3. Yes, he says I’m cheating, lying, or manipulating him.
4. Yes, and these accusations feel like psychological warfare.

7. When he’s upset, how does it affect the emotional tone of your home?

1. We talk it through and move on.
2. It lingers but eventually fades.
3. It ruins the day. I can’t relax until he’s back to normal.
4. It takes over everything. I feel scared, anxious, or sick.

8. Has he ever seemed calmer or happier after making you upset?

1. No, he feels bad when I’m upset.
2. Sometimes, but I think it’s just relief the fight is over.
3. Yes, and it feels strange, like upsetting me makes him feel better.
4. Yes, he seems energized or smug afterward, like he won something.

9. Do you ever feel like your reactions—crying, setting boundaries, trying to talk—are being used against you?

1. No, my feelings are respected.
2. Occasionally, but not in a cruel way.
3. Yes, he says my reactions prove I’m unstable or irrational.
4. Yes, and he uses them to justify his own bad behavior.

10. Have you stopped doing things (seeing friends, saying no, dressing a certain way) because you knew it would upset him?

1. No, he supports my independence.
2. Maybe a little, but not seriously.
3. Yes, I’ve made compromises to keep the peace.
4. Yes, I’ve changed a lot of my life to avoid his anger.